Two Minute Minor: More Stupidity to Digest

Has it been a week already? That was quick! Nick here, back again to annoy you with another 2 minute minor. I had a hard time deciding who to pick on this week… and then Tampa lost again, Avery got 2 misconducts in one game, Alexei Cherepanov DIED, and Flyers fans booed Sarah Palin so loudly that Metallica wasn’t loud enough to drown them out, and the Islanders aren’t the only team Giving away free tickets. So I went from famine to feast pretty quickly. Let’s go!

Typically when you don’t want something to go bad, you put it on ice to keep it fresh. The Lightning (I REFUSE to call them the Bolts… ech!) didn’t get that memo and have been stinking up the ice on both sides of the Atlantic. They’ve only played 3 games so far, but they’ve lost them all and allowed 126 shots on goal. Do they even have a defensive strategy? Either they don’t have one at all, or they’re using the Jurassic Park T-Rex technique: They can’t see us if we don’t move. Note to Tampa: YES THEY CAN.

Apparently the Florida Panthers are BTT readers. The Islanders buy one ticket get one free nonsense has been improved upon in the Sunshine State with the introduction of the “First-Timer Program.” Omitting the “buy one get one” and just focusing on the “get one” part, the Panthers have decided to just give the things away. (For jokes on uses for worthless hockey tickets, read last week’s 2MM) Present your valid drivers license, passport, or any other legal proof of Florida residence and you get one free ticket to a game. Just like that. The promotion continues forever until every Florida resident has cashed in. “Until every Florida resident has cashed in” is actually a synonym for “forever” so I apologize for the redundancy. While it is laughable that a team must resort to giving away tickets for free (which must make season ticket holders feel wonderful!), I don’t take the same issue with it as I do with the Islanders charade. The Islanders are asking their fans to gamble. The Panthers are not. Both teams should also consider NOT SUCKING as a way to entice fans to come to games. Just a thought.

Fact: No fan of any sport in any city can out-boo a Philadelphia sports fan.
When Sarah Palin strutted out to center ice to drop the first puck on opening night in Philly, she was booed. Loudly. I don’t know what made her think she would receive a warm welcome. These are the same fans that threw snowballs at Santa Claus at the Vet all those years ago. They tried to save her by playing Metallica… much louder than usual by the way… to drown out the boos. But Philly booing is epic and can probably make a nuclear detonation feel bad about itself. One quick side note: Flyers fans weren’t restricted to booing vice presidential candidates that night, they would boo their own goaltender, Martin Biron, off the ice less than 1 period later after letting up 4 goals in the 1st.

Sean Avery was loved in NY last season regardless of his often ridiculous on (and off) ice antics. He was a beloved pest that made the fans smile, shrug their shoulders and say things like “It’s %@$#ing Avery, what do you want?” Things aren’t going so well in Dallas. Only 3 games in and he’s managed to piss off the home crowd before giving them a chance to embrace him like Rangers fans did last season. As a fight ensued near the goal, Avery engaged Dan Hamhuis in a separate fight near the benches. There’s your first misconduct. Then proceeded to excessively argue the call with the officials which (as the rules state pretty clearly) is good for another misconduct. I don’t know how many times in history a player has gotten 2 misconducts in one game, but if anyone can do it, Avery can… and did. For fans of Avery who think it’s cool, or that it’s just Avery being Avery, don’t be impressed. It’s really bad for Avery AND for Dallas. The NHL allows a player 2 misconducts per season. After that, every misconduct you get is an automatic 1 game suspension. Sean Avery used up both of his free passes in one game with what, 80 games to go? Jackass. His best asset is his ability to agitate and be a pest. I wonder if he’ll be as effective now, or if he’ll hold back a bit knowing that one wrong move could be an easy suspension. Or maybe he won’t hold back and he’ll set the NHL record for suspensions in 1 season. Either way should result in a lot more fan hatred and probably some teammate hatred as well.

The LA Kings PA announcer mistakenly introduced their coach as “Terry Murphy.” If my team sucked as bad as the Kings, I’d probably try to pretend someone else was coaching them too. Even if it was a magical coach I created in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t fault the guy. It’s important to have a healthy imagination. I can put Cookie Monster on the Sharks if I want to in my mind. I’d keep it under my hat though and not announce it to an arena full of Kings fans.

That’s it for this week! But don’t worry; I’ll be back in 7 days at which time I will probably make fun of Tampa a little more if they don’t find some way to impress me. Winning a game would be a great start. If not, there’re always the Islanders. Oh God, the Islanders… Thanks for reading, see you next week.

-N