Two Minute Minor: The Las Vegas Islanders

Hey Nick here. I’m the new guy, and I’m bringing you a new weekly feature from BTT. You can look forward to a new 2 minute minor (and the occasional 5 minute major) every Wednesday. What you can expect during my 2 minutes is some hostility. Maybe a touch of compassion for a terrible team. And a lot of horrible, awful, terrible jokes. I see it as a great opportunity to make fun of bad hockey teams, gush about favorite players, insult hated players, and make countless Gary Bettman combover jokes.

For my first penalty, I'd like to focus on the New York Islanders recent attempts to sell hockey tickets. I’d go ahead and make a joke here, but as you’ll soon learn, their attempts are in fact, the joke. Unless the Rangers, Flyers, or Devils are in town, no one really goes to Islanders games. And why would you? The team barely show up for games anymore.

To prove my point, I figured I'd see just how hard (easy) it is to get Islander tickets these days. Trying (succeeding) to get a single game ticket wouldn’t make me feel right enough, so I went for a pair of full season tickets. A few simple mouse clicks revealed that for the low, low price of $3511.20 per seat, I can see every Islanders home loss from section 101 row F. I'll save you the effort of pulling up a seating chart. Kids, That's 6 rows from the glass, penalty box side, right in front of the right face-off circle. Really good seats. Ok, really good seats if your favorite team is a 29 way tie between every NHL team but the Islanders. This is a Professional hockey team! I could understand having a few season tickets left in the higher levels, MAYBE somewhere a little lower if it's somewhere less desirable like behind a goal. There is no reason a pair of season tickets 6 rows from the glass should be available a week before the season starts.

Islanders management knows they have a problem and there have been some laughable attempts to sell tickets. For example, their buy one get one free (maybe) offer. You haven’t heard about this one? Strap in. If you purchase tickets to a select game, and the Islanders win that game, you will receive free tickets to another select game later in the season. If the Islanders lose however, you walk away with a big heaping helping of NOTHING. The fact that so many tickets are still available tells me that they can't give these things away. They couldn't even make them prizes in boxes of cracker jacks. Instead of throwing away another crappy, fake tattoo, kids would just be throwing away tickets. Headline: Islander Tickets Replace Coal In Naughty Children's Christmas Stockings. If I left 2 free Islander tickets on every doorstep in Nassau County, I'd be fined for littering. I’d consider shingling a roof with them as they are cheaper than real shingles but just as easy to obtain. But they’re only made of paper and I doubt they’re laminated.

I have 3 suggestions for the Islanders organization and I don’t think they’re particularly bad ideas.

1. LOWER TICKET PRICES! A half price ticket gets you more money than an unsold ticket. It doesn't have to be for every game either. Pick 10 games and make the entire upper section $5 a ticket. An NHL game for 5 bucks is pretty unbeatable, even if the Islanders are one of the teams playing. Sell them all on the side of the arena that the camera faces so during the broadcast, the place looks full. When people see some activity in the building, it might make them want to go.
2. FREE PARKING ON WEEKENDS. Pretty self explanatory. Hammer it into people's minds how convenient it is to come out to a game. When they get there and parking is free, they will remember that and they will come back! And if one of those weekend games happens to be a $5 ticket day... you'd have a lot of very happy fans. Win or lose, all it cost them was 5 bucks and some gas. No one could complain.
3. GET RID OF THE BUY ONE GET ONE FREE. It makes you look really desperate and further devalues your already worthless stocking stuffers. A fan that already has no faith in the team, isn't going to take the bait. "I know they're going to lose and I won't get my free game." Your fans are beaten down. By asking them to gamble on a possible free ticket, you are asking them to place even more faith in the team. If they had faith, they’d be coming to games already and you wouldn’t have to find “clever” ways to give away tickets.

Finally, I want to make it clear that I’m not hating on the Islanders or their fans. The truth is that I like the Islanders rivalry with my Rangers. It’s another regular season match-up I can always look forward to. But here’s a fact Islander fans aren’t going to want to hear: Support your team, or they will leave. It happened to Hartford, Quebec, Colorado, Atlanta, and Minnesota. Colorado, Atlanta, and Minnesota have all gotten second chances, but Hartford and Quebec have been begging for years to get their teams back. There’s been a lot of talk lately about expansion/relocation, and cities like Kansas City and Las Vegas are both looking for an NHL team. Do you want the Islanders to move to Vegas? The team is already asking you to gamble on free tickets. Maybe they’re trying to tell you something. So Islanders fans, I’m telling you this as a fan of the sport and not of a rival team: Support your Islanders. Go to their games. Win or lose, go to their games. Support them. Or you won’t have a team to support. Rangers fans of course, not caring where your team goes, will still whistle “Potvin sucks.”