Today's Fantasy Advice: Draft Slovakian Women

Avoid Female Bulgarian Goaltenders.

This has been pretty well covered in the stuff that I read, so some of you may have come across this already but I wonder if this is what Glen Sather had in mind with the rule changes...

In an Olympic qualifier for 2010 (on a side note... really? Already?) The Slovakian Women's ice hockey team DOMINATED the Bulgarian Women's ice hockey team 82-0.

No... my finger didn't slip and accidentally type a two... or an 8. The Slovakian women put up 82 goals on what has to be considered one of the worst teams ever in the history of international hockey.

I have resisted the temptation to actually look at the box score in its entirety out of fear that it might actually be "the funniest joke ever" from the Monty Python skit and that reading too much of it might cause me to die in hysterics but here's what I've gathered.

It was 31-0 after the first period. Stop and think about that for a minute. Its hard to do that in Playstation hockey with the sliders for the opposing team all the way down and your sliders all the way up... even if you pull the goalie.

It was 55-0 after two periods of play. The Slovakian's slowed up a bit this period, scoring only 24 goals, or slightly more then one per minute. There are several reasons for this that I can gather. They are:

-Less penalties
-They were tired from the severe drubbing they laid down in the first period.
-Their first line was secretly replaced with foldgers crystals. No one noticed because they promptly scored five goals.

So the Slovakian team could have conceivably left before the third period started and been relatively comfortable in their victory. Down 55-0 the Bulgarians would have had to skate the puck up the ice, because its clear they can't shoot, 3 times per minute... and thats assuming they were able to win the faceoff.

Maybe the most mind-boggling stat to come out of this. Down 77-0 with three minutes remaining they pulled their goalie and put in the backup.

I mean what must this girl have done to deserve facing 154 shots through 57 minutes and not even be allowed to see the thing through. I suppose I'm not being fair. She did face 154 shots. Goalie equipment be damned she must be bruised to high heaven... but seriously... how is 77 goals the tipping point? Oh! Crap they hit 77, we need a change out there? Send out the garbage can full of rocks.

Garbage can full of rocks let up five goals on five shots.

Some more mind-boggling stats from this tournament:

Bulgaria has given up 192 goals.
The other teams in their bracket have scored 238 goals... meaning that a full 83% of the goals scored in the entire tournament have been scored on Bulgaria.

Bulgaria scored one goal in the entire tournament, against the Croatian team on their only shot on goal in that entire game. Reports from the game have the Croatian goalie in the stands getting a manicure at the time the goal was scored.