Two Minute Minor: Thanksgiving Goons

I was going to take this week off for Thanksgiving and because the next day is a very special little boy’s 28th birthday. But due to some technical difficulties, last week’s minor could not be posted. You didn’t miss anything, it was actually a serious piece. There is no place for seriousness here. This week I’m keeping it short and sweet as I take a look inside the thanksgiving dinners of some of hockey’s biggest a#%holes and biggest stars.

Ruutu Family:
Spent goading the person across the table into throwing food at you and or trying to hit you. When Mr. or Mrs. Rutuu sends that person away from the table, you steal their food and wave to the rest of the family while smiling.

Tucker Family:
Spent passing the phone around table; prank calling the Avery’s.

Crosby Family:
Spent falling out of their chairs and then arguing about how they were "pushed out of their seat."

Pronger Family:
Pretty much your standard, run-of-the-mill holiday gathering… except the chairs are spaced so close together that any time someone reaches for something, they elbow the person next to them.

Avery Family:
Similar to the Ruutu family tradition in regards to trying to get other family members kicked off the table by mom and dad. Differences include a mirror at every place setting, hair care products tied to the place cards, and answering an unusual number of prank phone calls.

Simon Family:
Hits each other in the face with utensils.

Bertuzzi Family:
Fights over the wishbone.

Hollweg Family:
Video conference from various state penitentiaries.

Ovechkin Family:
It’s the best dinner the world has ever seen. Try to make a better one, it’s not possible. The turkey is stuffed with diamonds. "Please pass the (food item)." Always yields a perfect pass.

Brodeur Family:
Everyone gets their own turkey. There are never leftovers.

Sundin Family:
Still undecided on what to have for dinner. Also may decide to no longer celebrate Thanksgiving altogether.

Bettman Family:
Dinner may not begin until everyone has individually taken a photo with Gary in which both hold the dinner plate for the camera. The entire dinner along with the china, silverware, and white glove service all paid for by RBK.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. See you all next week.