Two Minute Minor: Brother Avery’s Traveling Suspension Show

First off, I demand props for making a Neil Diamond reference before even starting this thing.

Thank you.

Secondly I want to thank Sean Avery for doing something stupid on a Tuesday because this article is due by Wednesday morning and I really had nothing. We were looking at a very sub-par power rankings that I thankfully do not have to submit. So his timely stupidity is most welcome. Anyway, let’s get into this.

Alright, look. I am in no way defending Sean Avery right now, but if ever there was a reason to want Gary Bettman to die… this is it. Let me start with what actually happened. Then we’ll break it down and hopefully, you’ll come to understand how the NHL looks like complete idiots right now.

Shortly after a morning skate yesterday, Sean Avery made his way over to some reporters. He asked if there was a camera there… which, there was… and then made the following comment: “I’m just going to say one thing. I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.” And he walked away. There was no interview. This was not a response to a question. He saw reporters and did his thing. If you want to know what the comment is in reference to, Avery’s ex-girlfriend, actress Elisha Cuthbert is dating Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf; she also had been involved with Mike Komisarek of the Montreal Canadiens.

I’m not going to defend Avery here as I normally would. I’m usually a fan of Avery if only for his entertainment value. But it was completely stupid. This is the class clown acting up in class without any of his friends playing along and then getting sent to the principal’s office. Depending on your standards, the comment is either mildly vulgar to completely tame. There’s obviously more to this than we know because the comment seems like a response to something as opposed to an initiation. The comment wasn’t nearly as stupid as his decision to make it.
The NHL looks like complete idiots right now for several reasons and I’m going to touch on each one of them. A hit to the head that causes injury is a 1-3 game suspension but Bettman-forbid you make a throw-away comment about your ex-girlfriend and it’s an indefinite suspension. So what the league says is that PR is more important to protect than player safety? Get the hell out of here. Stop it! If the NHL cared half as much about hits to the head as they do about Sean Avery's BS, Simon Gagne might not get dizzy whenever he closes his eyes.

So what, you think that I think Avery should be let off the hook? Not at all, but there was a right way to handle this. Bettman should have called Tom Hicks immediately and demanded the Stars suspend Avery. Make this an internal team matter. Let Avery destroy his own locker room relations. Believe me, his entire team hating him is FAR WORSE than any fine or suspension he can receive. The league suspending Avery makes him a free speech martyr. Once again, Sean Avery wins. Yet again, the league has to make special considerations based on the actions of one player… the same player. Once again Sean Avery is the #1 NHL headline.
If his team suspends him, it’s the other way around. The NHL can quietly condemn Avery’s behavior and save all face. Avery still gets suspended, fined, whatever, AND his locker room will hate him. But the league suspending him makes the isuue bigger and gives someone the opportunity to come to his defense. Whether or not anyone will remains to be seen, but the opportunity is there. Make the Stars punish him and this will all go away a lot faster. But right now, it’s huge news and whether he intended it or not, Avery is looking bigger than the game. When the Stars come to town, people now have yet another reason to talk about Avery before talking about the Dallas Stars.

I’m not saying players should be able to say whatever they want. Comments like this deserve some kind of punishment. Avery mentioned no names, but it was a verbal attack on an opposing player which the NHL does, in fact, have rules against. The problem is Bettman only chooses to enforce this rule when he sees fit. We know this because Ian White of the Toronto Maple Leafs wasn't suspended after telling the media that Ilya Kovalchuck will "get what's coming to him" the next time they meet. Apparently a direct threat is not a punishable offense but a throw-away frat house burn is. It absolutely infuriates me. Or was it the timing? If Avery made the comment after the game would it have been less of an offense than prior to the game? Snide remarks are made after games all the time and it’s no big deal, just like White’s threat.

I’m sorry there were no jokes this week but I am absolutely livid about how the situation was handled. Because there was a way to give Avery the exact same punishment without making the league look like idiots AND making this “issue” go away quickly and quietly at the same time. This could have been “just another Avery story” but the NHL has made it league-wide news. They’ve made it a huge sports story that is not limited to just hockey news. Avery’s pedestal is elevated even higher and this incident goes from footnote “in other news” to full blown headline.

Good job, Bettman. Good job. Now Sean Avery is all anyone wants to talk about. Again. This crap should be the footnote following the game summary. Instead, it will be the other way around.

By the way, Dallas won 3-1