First off, I demand props for making a Neil Diamond reference before even starting this thing.
Thank you.
Secondly I want to thank Sean Avery for doing something stupid on a Tuesday because this article is due by Wednesday morning and I really had nothing. We were looking at a very sub-par power rankings that I thankfully do not have to submit. So his timely stupidity is most welcome. Anyway, let’s get into this.
Alright, look. I am in no way defending Sean Avery right now, but if ever there was a reason to want Gary Bettman to die… this is it. Let me start with what actually happened. Then we’ll break it down and hopefully, you’ll come to understand how the NHL looks like complete idiots right now.
Shortly after a morning skate yesterday, Sean Avery made his way over to some reporters. He asked if there was a camera there… which, there was… and then made the following comment: “I’m just going to say one thing. I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.” And he walked away. There was no interview. This was not a response to a question. He saw reporters and did his thing. If you want to know what the comment is in reference to, Avery’s ex-girlfriend, actress Elisha Cuthbert is dating Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf; she also had been involved with Mike Komisarek of the Montreal Canadiens.
I’m not going to defend Avery here as I normally would. I’m usually a fan of Avery if only for his entertainment value. But it was completely stupid. This is the class clown acting up in class without any of his friends playing along and then getting sent to the principal’s office. Depending on your standards, the comment is either mildly vulgar to completely tame. There’s obviously more to this than we know because the comment seems like a response to something as opposed to an initiation. The comment wasn’t nearly as stupid as his decision to make it.
The NHL looks like complete idiots right now for several reasons and I’m going to touch on each one of them. A hit to the head that causes injury is a 1-3 game suspension but Bettman-forbid you make a throw-away comment about your ex-girlfriend and it’s an indefinite suspension. So what the league says is that PR is more important to protect than player safety? Get the hell out of here. Stop it! If the NHL cared half as much about hits to the head as they do about Sean Avery's BS, Simon Gagne might not get dizzy whenever he closes his eyes.
So what, you think that I think Avery should be let off the hook? Not at all, but there was a right way to handle this. Bettman should have called Tom Hicks immediately and demanded the Stars suspend Avery. Make this an internal team matter. Let Avery destroy his own locker room relations. Believe me, his entire team hating him is FAR WORSE than any fine or suspension he can receive. The league suspending Avery makes him a free speech martyr. Once again, Sean Avery wins. Yet again, the league has to make special considerations based on the actions of one player… the same player. Once again Sean Avery is the #1 NHL headline.
If his team suspends him, it’s the other way around. The NHL can quietly condemn Avery’s behavior and save all face. Avery still gets suspended, fined, whatever, AND his locker room will hate him. But the league suspending him makes the isuue bigger and gives someone the opportunity to come to his defense. Whether or not anyone will remains to be seen, but the opportunity is there. Make the Stars punish him and this will all go away a lot faster. But right now, it’s huge news and whether he intended it or not, Avery is looking bigger than the game. When the Stars come to town, people now have yet another reason to talk about Avery before talking about the Dallas Stars.
I’m not saying players should be able to say whatever they want. Comments like this deserve some kind of punishment. Avery mentioned no names, but it was a verbal attack on an opposing player which the NHL does, in fact, have rules against. The problem is Bettman only chooses to enforce this rule when he sees fit. We know this because Ian White of the Toronto Maple Leafs wasn't suspended after telling the media that Ilya Kovalchuck will "get what's coming to him" the next time they meet. Apparently a direct threat is not a punishable offense but a throw-away frat house burn is. It absolutely infuriates me. Or was it the timing? If Avery made the comment after the game would it have been less of an offense than prior to the game? Snide remarks are made after games all the time and it’s no big deal, just like White’s threat.
I’m sorry there were no jokes this week but I am absolutely livid about how the situation was handled. Because there was a way to give Avery the exact same punishment without making the league look like idiots AND making this “issue” go away quickly and quietly at the same time. This could have been “just another Avery story” but the NHL has made it league-wide news. They’ve made it a huge sports story that is not limited to just hockey news. Avery’s pedestal is elevated even higher and this incident goes from footnote “in other news” to full blown headline.
Good job, Bettman. Good job. Now Sean Avery is all anyone wants to talk about. Again. This crap should be the footnote following the game summary. Instead, it will be the other way around.
By the way, Dallas won 3-1
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Ice Fishing:
We are now over a quarter of the way through the NHL season. Its time to, if you haven't already, give your team a good long look and decide what you are missing, who is underperforming and who you might want to sell off while their value is at its height.
We strive to be the most complete possible fantasy hockey website and, therefore, while we recover from our turkey and various other hangovers, we here at the trap will begin to put together several useful features to aide you in this process. The first of these, "Grading the Trap", will be a sort of giant-sized shooting percentage and will debut on Monday. After that expect our list of over and under valued players at each position, first quarter surprises and breakout candidates for the rest of the season.
For now, lets drink some coffee and give you the adds and drops for the week. At this stage of the season there's not a whole lot out there (let me renew my recommendations of Versteeg, Clowe and Kessel for leagues that might still have them available) but you can still find hot streaks and role players.
Keep 'em
Brian Gionta
RW, New Jersey
Former BC Great Brian Gionta is on a bit of a tear right now, with 5 goals and 3 assists over the Devils last five games, Gio is showing shades of the player he once was (specifically the first season after the lockout when he scored 89 points). With Brodeur down, the Devils have opened the gates offensively a bit and no one has benefited more from this then Brian Gionta, with an honorable mention to Patrik Elias. While the Devils are pressing Gio is a good addition to any team.
Curtis Glencross
LW, Calgary
9 points in the last 8 games. This is not a longterm addition to your team by any means but he is on fire right now and Calgary is winning games off the strength of the Iginla, Langkow and Cammalleri pairing. Ride the wave.
David Booth
LW, Florida
11 goals, plenty of shots but horribly deficient in just about every other category. If those are the only categories you are hurting in and you've got an empty roster spot, Booth is absolutely your guy.
Pavol Demitra
C, LW Vancouver
He's healthy and he's producing right now. The time to own Demitra is upon us. In the last 7 games (or since his return from injury number 1) Demitra has 5 goals and 5 assists. He is a a plus and is averaging 3 shots per game over that span. This makes Demitra an extremely productive left winger and a very strong option in almost any league... while he remains healthy.
Weigh 'Em:
The New York Islanders
Bill Guerin, Doug Weight, Trent Hunter
We strive to be the most complete possible fantasy hockey website and, therefore, while we recover from our turkey and various other hangovers, we here at the trap will begin to put together several useful features to aide you in this process. The first of these, "Grading the Trap", will be a sort of giant-sized shooting percentage and will debut on Monday. After that expect our list of over and under valued players at each position, first quarter surprises and breakout candidates for the rest of the season.
For now, lets drink some coffee and give you the adds and drops for the week. At this stage of the season there's not a whole lot out there (let me renew my recommendations of Versteeg, Clowe and Kessel for leagues that might still have them available) but you can still find hot streaks and role players.
Keep 'em
Brian Gionta
RW, New Jersey
Former BC Great Brian Gionta is on a bit of a tear right now, with 5 goals and 3 assists over the Devils last five games, Gio is showing shades of the player he once was (specifically the first season after the lockout when he scored 89 points). With Brodeur down, the Devils have opened the gates offensively a bit and no one has benefited more from this then Brian Gionta, with an honorable mention to Patrik Elias. While the Devils are pressing Gio is a good addition to any team.
Curtis Glencross
LW, Calgary
9 points in the last 8 games. This is not a longterm addition to your team by any means but he is on fire right now and Calgary is winning games off the strength of the Iginla, Langkow and Cammalleri pairing. Ride the wave.
David Booth
LW, Florida
11 goals, plenty of shots but horribly deficient in just about every other category. If those are the only categories you are hurting in and you've got an empty roster spot, Booth is absolutely your guy.
Pavol Demitra
C, LW Vancouver
He's healthy and he's producing right now. The time to own Demitra is upon us. In the last 7 games (or since his return from injury number 1) Demitra has 5 goals and 5 assists. He is a a plus and is averaging 3 shots per game over that span. This makes Demitra an extremely productive left winger and a very strong option in almost any league... while he remains healthy.
Weigh 'Em:
The New York Islanders
Bill Guerin, Doug Weight, Trent Hunter
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Giving Thanks
Its been a long week over here at Trap-Central. As most people do, I've had lots of family obligations this past week but that doesn't mean that I haven't been paying attention to the hockey world. In fact on Monday night I managed to squeeze in a hockey game at Madison Square Garden with my father, my brother and a very good friend of mine from law school.
I don't know how many of you have the privilege of listening to Don LaGreca and EJ Hradek's show NHL Live on Sirius XM and the NHL Network (ok now you guys plug me) but its probably the best two hours of hockey coverage you'll get on any average day. LaGreca and Hradek really truly love the game and its the only place you'll get a solid block of believable rumors, interesting commentary, and enlightening interviews from people who actually live and breathe the game.
Regardless, listening to the show throughout the week I noticed that Mr. LaGreca (I don't pretend to be on a first name basis with Donny Pucks) has consistently referred to today's holiday as "American Thanksgiving" because (and Dear Reader forgive me if this sounds like I'm talking down to you) this is not the only Thanksgiving holiday that is celebrated around the world, with the most relevant for our sport being Canadian Thanksgiving. It occurred to me that Hockey is in fact the only one of the four major sports, five now if you acknowledge driving in circles as a sport, where the broadcasters would need to do this. As far as sports followed in North America go, hockey is the ONLY one that is international in scope.
Doubt me? I've got a story for you then.
Like I said its been a long week. So, I was running a little late on Monday and had to take a cab to the Rangers game. This of course was suicide as I found myself locked in commuter holiday traffic all the way down Park Avenue. My one saving grace was that the vibe in the cab was very comfortable. It was neither too hot nor too cold and the cab driver was listening to classical music, which I've found is my favorite of the four New York Cab Options:
1. The aforementioned classical. If its been a long day, as most are in the Big Apple, there is nothing more relaxing.
2. Politics. Its lessened some since the election. I both love and hate this. Generally I like to talk to my cab drivers, they almost always have an interesting and different opinion then your average Joe on the street, and politics is an interesting topic of conversation. I just don't like to have that conversation with someone who is directly responsible for how much I'm going to be spending in the next few moments. I've had cab drivers drive an extra two blocks to tell me why I'm wrong about a political POV. No thanks. I'll pass.
3. Sports-Talk Radio. Its... ok. I mean, I used to kind of love this one too, that was until I pretty much started to listen to it for a living between the hours of 9 and 5. Now... well... lets just say it feels too much like work. Do carpenters like looking for cabinets? I mean... I really doubt it...
4. Music, or what I think is music. Its never classic rock and it more often then not contains a sitar. Not my cup of tea. Not that I have anything against sitars... just not in my cab.
So, there I was grooving to the vibe when my phone rings. It was my friend telling me not to go down broadway because they had it shut down in front of Macy's in Herald Square so that they could practice for the parade. I thank him, groan and tell my cabby the news. He laughs and with an accent that, I'm embarrassed to say I can only identify as being of or from some part of the continent of Africa, asks me what I'm doing heading into midtown at this time of year. I tell him I'm going to the Rangers game... and then something magical happens. He says:
"Tonight! Yes. They play the Phoenix Coyotes. Gretzky's Team!"
If I had dog ears they would have perked up. I said "Yea... Gomez is supposed to be back tonight."
"This is good. They should put Zherdev and Naslund with Gomez. He is their best center, he should have the best wingers."
"Renney is trying to spread out the scoring I think, but I agree with you. I think its better to spread the defense out for your scoring line so they have more room to move out there. Gomez can't do anything with Callahan. Put together a skill unit and let the rest of your team be role players like those old Devils teams."
"Yes! Role Players..." and then he turned and smiled at me as if he knew that he was about to rock my world, "Like Claude Lemiuex."
Suddenly the traffic was welcome and I didn't care if I missed the first period of the game. I just wanted to talk to my new friend about our sport. We talked about Andy Bathgate and Dave Maloney. We talked about Doug Gilmour and you could always tell how deep his team was in the playoffs by how much of his face had turned into a bruise. I agreed that Brian Leetch was a once in a generation talent and when pressed as to who was a better goalie then Lundqvist he said "Maybe Luongo ... and Brodeur when he is healthy."
We talked about a million things, sharing our favorite memories and least favorite players and teams (Lindross and the Flyers for the both of us). He proudly recounted the time that he met Peter Forsberg and saw that his legs were like tree trunks and excitedly detailed how he went to a game last season and shouted "Trade him!" every time Malik touched the puck. "When they first got him I thought he was going to kill people... like Chara in Boston... but instead of killing people he make love to them!"
By the time I got to the game a half hour had gone by and my new friend and I had only begun to scratch the surface of the game. We didn't get into the fundamentals, though he did say that he likes the way the game plays under the new rules. We didn't talk about Gary Bettman, or Ovechkin v. Crosby v. Malkin OR even Lemieux v. Gretzky v. Orr. There were so many things I still wanted to ask him. What had gotten him into the game in the first place, a game that he had apparently been either attending or watching on television since at least the late 70's.
I tipped my kindred spirit everything I had in my pocket, wished him a happy holiday and sprinted towards the Garden at full clip, realizing halfway there that I hadn't gotten my new friend's name or badge number or even bothered to plug my blog to him (which is why I need YOUR help Don LaGreca). That's the beauty of this game. If you meet someone that loves the sport as much as you do it doesn't matter where they are from, where they've been, or what they are doing they want to stop and tell you everything about it. We hockey fans give thanks, not only for the sport but for other fans. You never know where or who you will be able to talk to thanks to this great game of ours.
Thats all for now. Adds and drops and injury updates in the morning.
Til' then:
HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM ALL OF US HERE AT THE TRAP TO ALL OF YOU AND YOURS.
I don't know how many of you have the privilege of listening to Don LaGreca and EJ Hradek's show NHL Live on Sirius XM and the NHL Network (ok now you guys plug me) but its probably the best two hours of hockey coverage you'll get on any average day. LaGreca and Hradek really truly love the game and its the only place you'll get a solid block of believable rumors, interesting commentary, and enlightening interviews from people who actually live and breathe the game.
Regardless, listening to the show throughout the week I noticed that Mr. LaGreca (I don't pretend to be on a first name basis with Donny Pucks) has consistently referred to today's holiday as "American Thanksgiving" because (and Dear Reader forgive me if this sounds like I'm talking down to you) this is not the only Thanksgiving holiday that is celebrated around the world, with the most relevant for our sport being Canadian Thanksgiving. It occurred to me that Hockey is in fact the only one of the four major sports, five now if you acknowledge driving in circles as a sport, where the broadcasters would need to do this. As far as sports followed in North America go, hockey is the ONLY one that is international in scope.
Doubt me? I've got a story for you then.
Like I said its been a long week. So, I was running a little late on Monday and had to take a cab to the Rangers game. This of course was suicide as I found myself locked in commuter holiday traffic all the way down Park Avenue. My one saving grace was that the vibe in the cab was very comfortable. It was neither too hot nor too cold and the cab driver was listening to classical music, which I've found is my favorite of the four New York Cab Options:
1. The aforementioned classical. If its been a long day, as most are in the Big Apple, there is nothing more relaxing.
2. Politics. Its lessened some since the election. I both love and hate this. Generally I like to talk to my cab drivers, they almost always have an interesting and different opinion then your average Joe on the street, and politics is an interesting topic of conversation. I just don't like to have that conversation with someone who is directly responsible for how much I'm going to be spending in the next few moments. I've had cab drivers drive an extra two blocks to tell me why I'm wrong about a political POV. No thanks. I'll pass.
3. Sports-Talk Radio. Its... ok. I mean, I used to kind of love this one too, that was until I pretty much started to listen to it for a living between the hours of 9 and 5. Now... well... lets just say it feels too much like work. Do carpenters like looking for cabinets? I mean... I really doubt it...
4. Music, or what I think is music. Its never classic rock and it more often then not contains a sitar. Not my cup of tea. Not that I have anything against sitars... just not in my cab.
So, there I was grooving to the vibe when my phone rings. It was my friend telling me not to go down broadway because they had it shut down in front of Macy's in Herald Square so that they could practice for the parade. I thank him, groan and tell my cabby the news. He laughs and with an accent that, I'm embarrassed to say I can only identify as being of or from some part of the continent of Africa, asks me what I'm doing heading into midtown at this time of year. I tell him I'm going to the Rangers game... and then something magical happens. He says:
"Tonight! Yes. They play the Phoenix Coyotes. Gretzky's Team!"
If I had dog ears they would have perked up. I said "Yea... Gomez is supposed to be back tonight."
"This is good. They should put Zherdev and Naslund with Gomez. He is their best center, he should have the best wingers."
"Renney is trying to spread out the scoring I think, but I agree with you. I think its better to spread the defense out for your scoring line so they have more room to move out there. Gomez can't do anything with Callahan. Put together a skill unit and let the rest of your team be role players like those old Devils teams."
"Yes! Role Players..." and then he turned and smiled at me as if he knew that he was about to rock my world, "Like Claude Lemiuex."
Suddenly the traffic was welcome and I didn't care if I missed the first period of the game. I just wanted to talk to my new friend about our sport. We talked about Andy Bathgate and Dave Maloney. We talked about Doug Gilmour and you could always tell how deep his team was in the playoffs by how much of his face had turned into a bruise. I agreed that Brian Leetch was a once in a generation talent and when pressed as to who was a better goalie then Lundqvist he said "Maybe Luongo ... and Brodeur when he is healthy."
We talked about a million things, sharing our favorite memories and least favorite players and teams (Lindross and the Flyers for the both of us). He proudly recounted the time that he met Peter Forsberg and saw that his legs were like tree trunks and excitedly detailed how he went to a game last season and shouted "Trade him!" every time Malik touched the puck. "When they first got him I thought he was going to kill people... like Chara in Boston... but instead of killing people he make love to them!"
By the time I got to the game a half hour had gone by and my new friend and I had only begun to scratch the surface of the game. We didn't get into the fundamentals, though he did say that he likes the way the game plays under the new rules. We didn't talk about Gary Bettman, or Ovechkin v. Crosby v. Malkin OR even Lemieux v. Gretzky v. Orr. There were so many things I still wanted to ask him. What had gotten him into the game in the first place, a game that he had apparently been either attending or watching on television since at least the late 70's.
I tipped my kindred spirit everything I had in my pocket, wished him a happy holiday and sprinted towards the Garden at full clip, realizing halfway there that I hadn't gotten my new friend's name or badge number or even bothered to plug my blog to him (which is why I need YOUR help Don LaGreca). That's the beauty of this game. If you meet someone that loves the sport as much as you do it doesn't matter where they are from, where they've been, or what they are doing they want to stop and tell you everything about it. We hockey fans give thanks, not only for the sport but for other fans. You never know where or who you will be able to talk to thanks to this great game of ours.
Thats all for now. Adds and drops and injury updates in the morning.
Til' then:
HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM ALL OF US HERE AT THE TRAP TO ALL OF YOU AND YOURS.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Two Minute Minor: Thanksgiving Goons
I was going to take this week off for Thanksgiving and because the next day is a very special little boy’s 28th birthday. But due to some technical difficulties, last week’s minor could not be posted. You didn’t miss anything, it was actually a serious piece. There is no place for seriousness here. This week I’m keeping it short and sweet as I take a look inside the thanksgiving dinners of some of hockey’s biggest a#%holes and biggest stars.
Ruutu Family:
Spent goading the person across the table into throwing food at you and or trying to hit you. When Mr. or Mrs. Rutuu sends that person away from the table, you steal their food and wave to the rest of the family while smiling.
Tucker Family:
Spent passing the phone around table; prank calling the Avery’s.
Crosby Family:
Spent falling out of their chairs and then arguing about how they were "pushed out of their seat."
Pronger Family:
Pretty much your standard, run-of-the-mill holiday gathering… except the chairs are spaced so close together that any time someone reaches for something, they elbow the person next to them.
Avery Family:
Similar to the Ruutu family tradition in regards to trying to get other family members kicked off the table by mom and dad. Differences include a mirror at every place setting, hair care products tied to the place cards, and answering an unusual number of prank phone calls.
Simon Family:
Hits each other in the face with utensils.
Bertuzzi Family:
Fights over the wishbone.
Hollweg Family:
Video conference from various state penitentiaries.
Ovechkin Family:
It’s the best dinner the world has ever seen. Try to make a better one, it’s not possible. The turkey is stuffed with diamonds. "Please pass the (food item)." Always yields a perfect pass.
Brodeur Family:
Everyone gets their own turkey. There are never leftovers.
Sundin Family:
Still undecided on what to have for dinner. Also may decide to no longer celebrate Thanksgiving altogether.
Bettman Family:
Dinner may not begin until everyone has individually taken a photo with Gary in which both hold the dinner plate for the camera. The entire dinner along with the china, silverware, and white glove service all paid for by RBK.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. See you all next week.
Ruutu Family:
Spent goading the person across the table into throwing food at you and or trying to hit you. When Mr. or Mrs. Rutuu sends that person away from the table, you steal their food and wave to the rest of the family while smiling.
Tucker Family:
Spent passing the phone around table; prank calling the Avery’s.
Crosby Family:
Spent falling out of their chairs and then arguing about how they were "pushed out of their seat."
Pronger Family:
Pretty much your standard, run-of-the-mill holiday gathering… except the chairs are spaced so close together that any time someone reaches for something, they elbow the person next to them.
Avery Family:
Similar to the Ruutu family tradition in regards to trying to get other family members kicked off the table by mom and dad. Differences include a mirror at every place setting, hair care products tied to the place cards, and answering an unusual number of prank phone calls.
Simon Family:
Hits each other in the face with utensils.
Bertuzzi Family:
Fights over the wishbone.
Hollweg Family:
Video conference from various state penitentiaries.
Ovechkin Family:
It’s the best dinner the world has ever seen. Try to make a better one, it’s not possible. The turkey is stuffed with diamonds. "Please pass the (food item)." Always yields a perfect pass.
Brodeur Family:
Everyone gets their own turkey. There are never leftovers.
Sundin Family:
Still undecided on what to have for dinner. Also may decide to no longer celebrate Thanksgiving altogether.
Bettman Family:
Dinner may not begin until everyone has individually taken a photo with Gary in which both hold the dinner plate for the camera. The entire dinner along with the china, silverware, and white glove service all paid for by RBK.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. See you all next week.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Two Minute Minor: Holy Crap I Agree With Gary Bettman on Something OR If I Can Be Serious for 2 Minutes
Editor's Note: This was in fact delivered to me last Wednesday but... well I've been having a hectic week. Didn't want to rob you of the goodness so... deadlines be damned here is last week's Two Minute Minor Presented in its entirety. I had wanted to write a counterpoint to this, and I still might, not because I disagree with Nick's opinion so much as I'm a lawyer and arguing in the alternative is the kind of crap we do instead of going to the movies. For now I leave it to you dear reader to form your own point-counterpoint on this, the most important issue facing the game today.
No, I don’t think the RBK Edge Jerseys are cool. I still laugh at the glowing puck idea. The NHL logo should be orange again and the divisions should go back to having real names and the home team should wear white. I tend to disagree with almost every decision that Gary Bettman has made. But he made a comment last week that I actually agreed with. And since I can’t remember the last time that happened (because it never has), I had to make it this weeks 2MM.
"If you say you can't have contact with the head, you are going to reduce the amount of checking in the game and you are going to change the way the game is played." - NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, TSN's "Off the Record."
That’s the quote. And I know, it’s another one of his blanket statements, but for once, he’s actually right. Let’s read into this and elaborate on it a little bit because (if he won’t, someone should) hits to the head are all the rage this year. Before I go on I do need to preface that this article pertains to legal open ice hits to the head. NOT illegal boarding hits from behind.
There have been 2 reactions that I’ve heard regarding open ice hits to the head this year:
1. A player skating with his head down and not paying attention is doing so at his own risk. It’s his fault.
2. There’s no reason to hit that hard. It’s an obvious attempt to injure. It’s the hitters fault. Hits to the head should be banned outright.
God, it hurts me to say that I agree with Bettman. Banning hits to the head would lead to little or no open ice hits. Need me to print that in BTT language to really drill it home? Here:
FACT: Banning hits to the head would lead to little or no open ice hits.
Who the hell wants that? Look, hockey is a full contact sport. Players are going to get hurt. There is nothing that can be done about this and it’s a risk every athlete takes. Even sprinters get hurt sometimes and all they do is run. In a straight line. They don’t run into anyone or anything. But the risk is there. You’re doing things with your body that it was not designed to do. What do you expect?
How about instead of eliminating something from the game, we find a way to achieve the same goal (less injuries) by adding something to the game? If it means safer hitting, or even more hitting, or even harder and more intense hitting, then I am all for the required use of cages or facemasks.
*Pauses to allow for initial negative rejection by readers*
The NFL has been using them since what, the 60’s? Meanwhile the NHL didn’t even require helmets until 1979. And they were so serious about it that they had a grandfather clause allowing any player who signed a contract prior to the passing of the rule to continue playing without a helmet. Thanks to that clause, it wasn’t until 1995(!!!) that every player in the league skated with a helmet. The NHL is not the most progressive league in sports (WHAT?!), so this could be a very long debate. Remember, this is a league that initially did not allow forward passes. Look how far we’ve come. We can fix this.
I think players need a little more protection out there. Don’t discourage hitting… Encourage it! Embrace it! Just make it safer. I believe a well timed hit in hockey to be far worse than the hardest hit in football. Yet football players seem much better protected against hard (and frequent) hits. A helmet cage is worn in juniors and at the college level. And what’s with the Nike/Bauer helmet? Compared to just about every other helmet (RBK, CCM, Mission) worn in the NHL, it’s easily the lowest profile. Can’t we add a little bulk to these things? Get some more padding in there? Maybe implement a more effective chin strap… one that players will be required to use. I hate to go back to the NFL again, but look at those chin straps. Now look at ours. And never mind the device, look at how they are worn. Hockey players keep them so loose, they don’t do anything. So how about instead of pussifying the game, we make some changes that allow for the game to be played at a higher level.
Something like the Cascade helmet. I don’t mean let’s use this helmet specifically. But it’s a step in the right direction and if 3 or 4 companies put out something like it, the players would still get to choose what helmet they wear. The game could remain unchanged but it would just be SAFER. Here’s the Cascade helmet if you’ve never seen it. It’s probably the most innovative hockey helmet ever made and it looks pretty damn cool: http://www.cascadeicehockey.com/
In 2001, 3 Nascar drivers all died in their race cars. Dale Earnhardt, Kenny Irwin, and Adam Petty all lost control of their cars (at different times at different tracks, and for different reasons), hit the wall anywhere from 150-190 mph and were killed. Did Nascar slow the cars down? No. Did they outlaw bumping? No. Did they make any changes to try to limit the number of crashes per race? No. Did they take anything out of the sport? No. First. they mandated the use of a full face helmet and the use of a head and neck restraint device. And within only a few years, every track on the circuit installed a “safer barrier” soft wall system in the corners that dissipates impact a lot safer than concrete does. Today, most (if not all) Nascar sanctioned tracks use a safer barrier system around 100% of the track, including the inside walls.
# of racing fatalities in Nascar caused by high speed impact with the wall since then: 0. Nothing was taken away. They didn’t force a change in how the drivers compete. They just made it safer.
So that’s my point. Don’t change the game. Just make it safer to allow the game to go on UNCHANGED. But there should be more protection, be it from a wire cage or a full face shield… with a chin strap that serves a real purpose. Or from a completely new helmet design not yet invented. Try that first. Let them hit each other as hard as they can and if guys are still getting hurt, THEN maybe take a look at outlawing certain types of hits. But try to keep them in before taking them out. Players would bitch, for sure. But they’d get over it. If you’re concerned that a cage or full shield would affect fighting, my response is this: They already drop their sticks and gloves before they go. How hard is it to pop a buckle and drop the helmet too? Exactly, it’s not. Fight like men, take the damn helmets off.
A lot of guys weren’t happy about being forced to wear helmets but now it’s hard to understand why anyone would skate without one. Or how a goalie could face shooters with no mask. But as more players got hurt, things changed. Did we outlaw lifting the puck? No, we let goalies wear head and facial protection. So with hits to the head causing frequent injuries, I think it’s only natural to beef up head protection altogether. Take too many things out of the game and there won’t be any game left.
Agree with me? Don’t agree with me? Leave a comment and let me know! Just try to leave your name and where you’re from.
That’s it for this week, see you on the 26th.
Here’s something completely unrelated, but I thought I’d throw it in here anyway. Can you name all 30 NHL teams in less than 5:00 without cheating? You might be surprised. I made it to 29 teams and stared at the screen for 3 minutes because I simply could not remember that last team. Check it out:
http://www.mentalfloss.com/quiz/quiz.php?q=455
No, I don’t think the RBK Edge Jerseys are cool. I still laugh at the glowing puck idea. The NHL logo should be orange again and the divisions should go back to having real names and the home team should wear white. I tend to disagree with almost every decision that Gary Bettman has made. But he made a comment last week that I actually agreed with. And since I can’t remember the last time that happened (because it never has), I had to make it this weeks 2MM.
"If you say you can't have contact with the head, you are going to reduce the amount of checking in the game and you are going to change the way the game is played." - NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, TSN's "Off the Record."
That’s the quote. And I know, it’s another one of his blanket statements, but for once, he’s actually right. Let’s read into this and elaborate on it a little bit because (if he won’t, someone should) hits to the head are all the rage this year. Before I go on I do need to preface that this article pertains to legal open ice hits to the head. NOT illegal boarding hits from behind.
There have been 2 reactions that I’ve heard regarding open ice hits to the head this year:
1. A player skating with his head down and not paying attention is doing so at his own risk. It’s his fault.
2. There’s no reason to hit that hard. It’s an obvious attempt to injure. It’s the hitters fault. Hits to the head should be banned outright.
God, it hurts me to say that I agree with Bettman. Banning hits to the head would lead to little or no open ice hits. Need me to print that in BTT language to really drill it home? Here:
FACT: Banning hits to the head would lead to little or no open ice hits.
Who the hell wants that? Look, hockey is a full contact sport. Players are going to get hurt. There is nothing that can be done about this and it’s a risk every athlete takes. Even sprinters get hurt sometimes and all they do is run. In a straight line. They don’t run into anyone or anything. But the risk is there. You’re doing things with your body that it was not designed to do. What do you expect?
How about instead of eliminating something from the game, we find a way to achieve the same goal (less injuries) by adding something to the game? If it means safer hitting, or even more hitting, or even harder and more intense hitting, then I am all for the required use of cages or facemasks.
*Pauses to allow for initial negative rejection by readers*
The NFL has been using them since what, the 60’s? Meanwhile the NHL didn’t even require helmets until 1979. And they were so serious about it that they had a grandfather clause allowing any player who signed a contract prior to the passing of the rule to continue playing without a helmet. Thanks to that clause, it wasn’t until 1995(!!!) that every player in the league skated with a helmet. The NHL is not the most progressive league in sports (WHAT?!), so this could be a very long debate. Remember, this is a league that initially did not allow forward passes. Look how far we’ve come. We can fix this.
I think players need a little more protection out there. Don’t discourage hitting… Encourage it! Embrace it! Just make it safer. I believe a well timed hit in hockey to be far worse than the hardest hit in football. Yet football players seem much better protected against hard (and frequent) hits. A helmet cage is worn in juniors and at the college level. And what’s with the Nike/Bauer helmet? Compared to just about every other helmet (RBK, CCM, Mission) worn in the NHL, it’s easily the lowest profile. Can’t we add a little bulk to these things? Get some more padding in there? Maybe implement a more effective chin strap… one that players will be required to use. I hate to go back to the NFL again, but look at those chin straps. Now look at ours. And never mind the device, look at how they are worn. Hockey players keep them so loose, they don’t do anything. So how about instead of pussifying the game, we make some changes that allow for the game to be played at a higher level.
Something like the Cascade helmet. I don’t mean let’s use this helmet specifically. But it’s a step in the right direction and if 3 or 4 companies put out something like it, the players would still get to choose what helmet they wear. The game could remain unchanged but it would just be SAFER. Here’s the Cascade helmet if you’ve never seen it. It’s probably the most innovative hockey helmet ever made and it looks pretty damn cool: http://www.cascadeicehockey.com/
In 2001, 3 Nascar drivers all died in their race cars. Dale Earnhardt, Kenny Irwin, and Adam Petty all lost control of their cars (at different times at different tracks, and for different reasons), hit the wall anywhere from 150-190 mph and were killed. Did Nascar slow the cars down? No. Did they outlaw bumping? No. Did they make any changes to try to limit the number of crashes per race? No. Did they take anything out of the sport? No. First. they mandated the use of a full face helmet and the use of a head and neck restraint device. And within only a few years, every track on the circuit installed a “safer barrier” soft wall system in the corners that dissipates impact a lot safer than concrete does. Today, most (if not all) Nascar sanctioned tracks use a safer barrier system around 100% of the track, including the inside walls.
# of racing fatalities in Nascar caused by high speed impact with the wall since then: 0. Nothing was taken away. They didn’t force a change in how the drivers compete. They just made it safer.
So that’s my point. Don’t change the game. Just make it safer to allow the game to go on UNCHANGED. But there should be more protection, be it from a wire cage or a full face shield… with a chin strap that serves a real purpose. Or from a completely new helmet design not yet invented. Try that first. Let them hit each other as hard as they can and if guys are still getting hurt, THEN maybe take a look at outlawing certain types of hits. But try to keep them in before taking them out. Players would bitch, for sure. But they’d get over it. If you’re concerned that a cage or full shield would affect fighting, my response is this: They already drop their sticks and gloves before they go. How hard is it to pop a buckle and drop the helmet too? Exactly, it’s not. Fight like men, take the damn helmets off.
A lot of guys weren’t happy about being forced to wear helmets but now it’s hard to understand why anyone would skate without one. Or how a goalie could face shooters with no mask. But as more players got hurt, things changed. Did we outlaw lifting the puck? No, we let goalies wear head and facial protection. So with hits to the head causing frequent injuries, I think it’s only natural to beef up head protection altogether. Take too many things out of the game and there won’t be any game left.
Agree with me? Don’t agree with me? Leave a comment and let me know! Just try to leave your name and where you’re from.
That’s it for this week, see you on the 26th.
Here’s something completely unrelated, but I thought I’d throw it in here anyway. Can you name all 30 NHL teams in less than 5:00 without cheating? You might be surprised. I made it to 29 teams and stared at the screen for 3 minutes because I simply could not remember that last team. Check it out:
http://www.mentalfloss.com/quiz/quiz.php?q=455
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
BTT Injury Report: Fleury of Activity
Some quick injury news and notes...
Marc Andre Fleury is day to day with a lower body injury. Its difficult to know what this is going to mean for Pittsburgh beyond the short term without knowing the severity, location, etc of the injury but for now Dany Sabourin will get the start in net. The Pens are not a spectacular defensive team, even with the addition of Philippe Boucher, and Sabourin is not a shutdown netminder. If Flery is out for any stretch of time don't expect Sabourin to be a Conklin.
Andy McDonald, one the real feel-good comeback players of the year is going to miss the next 8 weeks or so with a broken leg suffered in St. Louis' shootout loss to Montreal on Sunday. McDonald slid feet first into the boards in the first period and fractured his left leg. St. Louis is looking less and less like a playoff contender this year so expect the team to show extreme patience with McDonald's injury. He, and the also injured Paul Kariya, will not be rushed back. Look to Lee Stempniak, Patirk Berglund and Davod Perron to step it up in their abscence.
Joe Sakic is skating again with the Avalanche but will reportedly sit tonight against Calgary. It does look like Sakic is close though, so take heart Burnaby Joe owners.
An undisclosed upper body injury sidelined the league's second leading scorer Alexander Semin in Saturday night's game against the Devils. We'll keep our eye on this for you.
Kevin Bieska, who has been spectacular for Vancouver when healthy, will miss another two weeks with a broken foot. Mattias Ohlund and Sami Salo should step up to fill the offensive voide in Bieska's abscence and might be a good short term add.
Marc Andre Fleury is day to day with a lower body injury. Its difficult to know what this is going to mean for Pittsburgh beyond the short term without knowing the severity, location, etc of the injury but for now Dany Sabourin will get the start in net. The Pens are not a spectacular defensive team, even with the addition of Philippe Boucher, and Sabourin is not a shutdown netminder. If Flery is out for any stretch of time don't expect Sabourin to be a Conklin.
Andy McDonald, one the real feel-good comeback players of the year is going to miss the next 8 weeks or so with a broken leg suffered in St. Louis' shootout loss to Montreal on Sunday. McDonald slid feet first into the boards in the first period and fractured his left leg. St. Louis is looking less and less like a playoff contender this year so expect the team to show extreme patience with McDonald's injury. He, and the also injured Paul Kariya, will not be rushed back. Look to Lee Stempniak, Patirk Berglund and Davod Perron to step it up in their abscence.
Joe Sakic is skating again with the Avalanche but will reportedly sit tonight against Calgary. It does look like Sakic is close though, so take heart Burnaby Joe owners.
An undisclosed upper body injury sidelined the league's second leading scorer Alexander Semin in Saturday night's game against the Devils. We'll keep our eye on this for you.
Kevin Bieska, who has been spectacular for Vancouver when healthy, will miss another two weeks with a broken foot. Mattias Ohlund and Sami Salo should step up to fill the offensive voide in Bieska's abscence and might be a good short term add.
Ice Fishing: Melrose and Delilah
The Tampa Bay Lightning management have tossed back the biggest piece of their rebuilding effort in new head coach Barry Melrose. He should have never cut the mullet. With it went the source of all of his power.
Barry. We hardly knew you. Its a tough call to fire a guy when you give him a team made up of individuals who had never played together before this season. Sure they looked great on paper... until you got to the defensemen. That was the problem with this team from beginning, they were a decent fantasy team but no one could tell whether that would translate to success on the ice. It didn't, and Barry paid the price for the GM's incompetence. Poor Barry.
What's the moral of this? Actual teams are already starting to adjust their rosters, trim the fat, and take their best shot at undoing the damage they did to their own teams in the offseason. Its time for you to do the same.
Keep 'Em:
Kris Versteeg
RW, Chicago
Okay... last time I'm saying this. Versteeg now has 15 points in 16 games this season. He has three goals in the last four games and has scored 7 points in 6 games in the month of November. The window for delay on Versteeg is shrinking and the talented rookie is showing no signs of slowing down.
Joe Pavelski
C, San Jose
You missed out on Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau in the draft. You took some bad advice from some blogger not named Richard O'Brien and drafted Jonathan Cheechoo way too early. And, of course, you didn't listen to me and pick up Devin Setoguchi or Ryan Clowe when I told you to. Now every time you look at the standings and realize that San Jose has scored more goals then anyone else in the league (73) by a wide margin (the next closest is Detroit with 64) you feel like you missed out on the party. Well, you're in luck because Joe Pavelski is probably still available in your league. Pavelski has 7 goals and 9 assists for 16 points through the first 20 games. Of those 16, 6 points (2 goals and 4 assists) came over the course of the last week and 8 (3 goals and 5 assists) have come on the powerplay. He is averaging a little over 3 shots a game and is a +1. As centers go he's kind of average, but he would make a great util player in most leagues. Grab him before you miss out entirely on the Shark Party.
Cam Barker
D, Chicago
Still the subject of widespread trade speculation, Cam Barker has responded with terrific play on the ice. Barker has 9 points in 8 games with the big club this year, with 6 of those points coming on the man advantage. Those 9 points are good for second amongst Hawks D-men with only Brian Campbell above him with 12. This showing becomes even more impressive when you consider that he has played in half the games that the rest of the team has played. The former third overall draft pick is doing a bit of everything, including getting a fighting major in the November 14th 4-3 loss to St. Louis. Grab him now.
Weigh 'Em:
Jordan Staal
C, LW Pittsburgh
You have to love the way Jordan Staal is playing right now. Staal, who had a tremendous rookie season in which he notched 29 goals, has been on something of a slide over the last year or so. This slide came to an abrupt halt this past week as Stall put up 5 goals and an assist over the last three games for the Pens. What you have to like is not only the tallies but the way in which he scored them. Down 5-3 against their Stanley Cup tormentors the Detroit Red Wings, Staal rallied and scored three even strength goals in the last 12 minutes to force overtime. Then, in the overtime period Staal assisted on Fedotenko's overtime winner. He followed this up later in the week with a strong 2 goal performance against the cooling Buffalo Sabers to bring his totals for the season up to 7 goals and 4 assists. Those may not seem like overly flashy numbers, but if this is the beginning of his reemergence then you want to get in on the ground floor.
David Perron, Lee Stempniak
LW, RW St. Louis
With Kariya and McDonald both down to injuries Perron and Stempniak have really stepped up over the last week to provide scoring in their absence. As St. Louis soldiers on through these injuries expect scoring to come from secondary sources. It might be worth a bench slot to try and catch a streak from one of these talented players. Stempniak in particular shoots the puck a ton and has seen some significant time on the powerplay.
Philippe Boucher
D, Pittsburgh
The acquisition of Boucher was a necessary one by the Pens despite his shoddy play thus far this season on the Dalls Stars. Boucher provides a seasoned veteran to man the point on the powerplay. More importantly, it gives the Pens a RIGHT HANDED shot on the point, something that they were lacking during Gonchar and Whitney's injuries. I like this acquisition by the Pens for a number of reasons. For one, it frees up Evgeni Malkin to be a bit more free wheeling on the man advantage. The Pens have given up some heart stopping short handed opportunities in the last few games when opposing forwards pressured Malkin on the point. Malkin has been the Penguins offense so far this year, but he still doesn't know how to skate back and play D as the pointman on the man advantage. Boucher will take care of that and should help with some scoring punch from the point.
Alex Goligoski
D, Pittsburgh
On the flips side, the Boucher acquisition probably puts a bit of a halt on Goligoski's development. Despite his recent scoring streak, Goligoski will more then likely see his powerplay time diminish rapidly. If you still have him on your team you might want to consider benching him for a few games to see how this plays out. If it plays out as expected I foresee his availability skyrocketing in most leagues.
Toss 'Em Back:
Andrei Kostitsyn
LW, Montreal
I've been holding off on this one but with 6 points through 14 games I might have finally given up on Kostitsyn the greater. Montreal is in a bit of funk right now, which will happen even to great teams in their best years. Even taking that into account, Kostitsyn has barely shown any signs of life as of late with long stretches of mediocrity punctuated by one or two point streaks. Put simply, Kostitsyn doesn't deliver enough in the intangible categories to keep him on your team if he isn't scoring, and right now he isn't scoring. Take that as you will.
Erik Cole
RW, Edmonton
Rough times in Edmonton. Cole, The Oilers big offseason acquisition, has only put up 5 points through the first 18 games with his new club. He has been a relatively quiet presence and hasn't even provided much in the way of shots of PIM. I was high on Cole preseason; thinking him a good sleeper pick because of his gritty play and his tendency to rack up the shots, PIM and points. It seems that there have just been one too many injuries for Cole and that his best years of hockey are now behind him as a result.
Matt Carle
D, Philadelphia
Carle was once thought of as an impressive young prospect. Since then he has been moved twice in one year, first from San Jose as the lynch pin of the deal that brought Dan Boyle to the future Stanley Cup Champions (what? Thats right, I'm calling it. Its happening.) and then, less then a quarter of a season later from Tampa to Philly for Steve Downie. Until Carle shows something, anything, resembling offensive skill with his new team I'd leave him right where he belongs; on waivers.
Barry. We hardly knew you. Its a tough call to fire a guy when you give him a team made up of individuals who had never played together before this season. Sure they looked great on paper... until you got to the defensemen. That was the problem with this team from beginning, they were a decent fantasy team but no one could tell whether that would translate to success on the ice. It didn't, and Barry paid the price for the GM's incompetence. Poor Barry.
What's the moral of this? Actual teams are already starting to adjust their rosters, trim the fat, and take their best shot at undoing the damage they did to their own teams in the offseason. Its time for you to do the same.
Keep 'Em:
Kris Versteeg
RW, Chicago
Okay... last time I'm saying this. Versteeg now has 15 points in 16 games this season. He has three goals in the last four games and has scored 7 points in 6 games in the month of November. The window for delay on Versteeg is shrinking and the talented rookie is showing no signs of slowing down.
Joe Pavelski
C, San Jose
You missed out on Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau in the draft. You took some bad advice from some blogger not named Richard O'Brien and drafted Jonathan Cheechoo way too early. And, of course, you didn't listen to me and pick up Devin Setoguchi or Ryan Clowe when I told you to. Now every time you look at the standings and realize that San Jose has scored more goals then anyone else in the league (73) by a wide margin (the next closest is Detroit with 64) you feel like you missed out on the party. Well, you're in luck because Joe Pavelski is probably still available in your league. Pavelski has 7 goals and 9 assists for 16 points through the first 20 games. Of those 16, 6 points (2 goals and 4 assists) came over the course of the last week and 8 (3 goals and 5 assists) have come on the powerplay. He is averaging a little over 3 shots a game and is a +1. As centers go he's kind of average, but he would make a great util player in most leagues. Grab him before you miss out entirely on the Shark Party.
Cam Barker
D, Chicago
Still the subject of widespread trade speculation, Cam Barker has responded with terrific play on the ice. Barker has 9 points in 8 games with the big club this year, with 6 of those points coming on the man advantage. Those 9 points are good for second amongst Hawks D-men with only Brian Campbell above him with 12. This showing becomes even more impressive when you consider that he has played in half the games that the rest of the team has played. The former third overall draft pick is doing a bit of everything, including getting a fighting major in the November 14th 4-3 loss to St. Louis. Grab him now.
Weigh 'Em:
Jordan Staal
C, LW Pittsburgh
You have to love the way Jordan Staal is playing right now. Staal, who had a tremendous rookie season in which he notched 29 goals, has been on something of a slide over the last year or so. This slide came to an abrupt halt this past week as Stall put up 5 goals and an assist over the last three games for the Pens. What you have to like is not only the tallies but the way in which he scored them. Down 5-3 against their Stanley Cup tormentors the Detroit Red Wings, Staal rallied and scored three even strength goals in the last 12 minutes to force overtime. Then, in the overtime period Staal assisted on Fedotenko's overtime winner. He followed this up later in the week with a strong 2 goal performance against the cooling Buffalo Sabers to bring his totals for the season up to 7 goals and 4 assists. Those may not seem like overly flashy numbers, but if this is the beginning of his reemergence then you want to get in on the ground floor.
David Perron, Lee Stempniak
LW, RW St. Louis
With Kariya and McDonald both down to injuries Perron and Stempniak have really stepped up over the last week to provide scoring in their absence. As St. Louis soldiers on through these injuries expect scoring to come from secondary sources. It might be worth a bench slot to try and catch a streak from one of these talented players. Stempniak in particular shoots the puck a ton and has seen some significant time on the powerplay.
Philippe Boucher
D, Pittsburgh
The acquisition of Boucher was a necessary one by the Pens despite his shoddy play thus far this season on the Dalls Stars. Boucher provides a seasoned veteran to man the point on the powerplay. More importantly, it gives the Pens a RIGHT HANDED shot on the point, something that they were lacking during Gonchar and Whitney's injuries. I like this acquisition by the Pens for a number of reasons. For one, it frees up Evgeni Malkin to be a bit more free wheeling on the man advantage. The Pens have given up some heart stopping short handed opportunities in the last few games when opposing forwards pressured Malkin on the point. Malkin has been the Penguins offense so far this year, but he still doesn't know how to skate back and play D as the pointman on the man advantage. Boucher will take care of that and should help with some scoring punch from the point.
Alex Goligoski
D, Pittsburgh
On the flips side, the Boucher acquisition probably puts a bit of a halt on Goligoski's development. Despite his recent scoring streak, Goligoski will more then likely see his powerplay time diminish rapidly. If you still have him on your team you might want to consider benching him for a few games to see how this plays out. If it plays out as expected I foresee his availability skyrocketing in most leagues.
Toss 'Em Back:
Andrei Kostitsyn
LW, Montreal
I've been holding off on this one but with 6 points through 14 games I might have finally given up on Kostitsyn the greater. Montreal is in a bit of funk right now, which will happen even to great teams in their best years. Even taking that into account, Kostitsyn has barely shown any signs of life as of late with long stretches of mediocrity punctuated by one or two point streaks. Put simply, Kostitsyn doesn't deliver enough in the intangible categories to keep him on your team if he isn't scoring, and right now he isn't scoring. Take that as you will.
Erik Cole
RW, Edmonton
Rough times in Edmonton. Cole, The Oilers big offseason acquisition, has only put up 5 points through the first 18 games with his new club. He has been a relatively quiet presence and hasn't even provided much in the way of shots of PIM. I was high on Cole preseason; thinking him a good sleeper pick because of his gritty play and his tendency to rack up the shots, PIM and points. It seems that there have just been one too many injuries for Cole and that his best years of hockey are now behind him as a result.
Matt Carle
D, Philadelphia
Carle was once thought of as an impressive young prospect. Since then he has been moved twice in one year, first from San Jose as the lynch pin of the deal that brought Dan Boyle to the future Stanley Cup Champions (what? Thats right, I'm calling it. Its happening.) and then, less then a quarter of a season later from Tampa to Philly for Steve Downie. Until Carle shows something, anything, resembling offensive skill with his new team I'd leave him right where he belongs; on waivers.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Breaking the Mullet!
Barry Melrose has been fired as the head coach of the Tampa Bay Lightening. Hair Grease Suppliers throughout Tampa have closed up shop but the fishing industry has raised its outlook for the remainder of the 2008-2009 season.
Rick Tochet will take over for Barry as interim coach... gambling boats off Tampa's coasts have also started to increase their fleet.
More on this story and hockey in general later tonight. Right now I have to go see Bond... James Bond.
Rick Tochet will take over for Barry as interim coach... gambling boats off Tampa's coasts have also started to increase their fleet.
More on this story and hockey in general later tonight. Right now I have to go see Bond... James Bond.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
2 Minute Minor: Super Discount Hockey Ticket Sale Giveaway Promotion Plan
Every Sunday I begin work on this column. By Monday I’m at least half done with the rough copy. It is somewhere around late Monday or early Tuesday that some ridiculous bit of hockey news will surface forcing me to scrap everything I had and write about the new tidbit of maddening information. With the exception of last week’s mascot piece, this has happened every week. We were supposed to hear about Marty Brodeur this week. Then it became a split piece with Brodeur sharing the article with my feelings on the abundance of boarding penalties so far this season. But… well… screw all that.
Does anyone remember the very first 2 Minute Minor? I hope so, it wasn’t that long ago. Anyway, I made fun of the Islanders. Badly. Not just for being the worst, but mainly for their amusing attempts to sell tickets. I don’t want to take anything away from how dumb the Islanders buy-one-get-one-free-maybe deal is so go back and read it if you forgot.
(Read it here http://breakingthetrap.blogspot.com/2008/10/two-minute-minor-las-vegas-islanders.html)
The Islanders are no longer the silliest team with too many unsold tickets left over. They’re not even in 2nd place. This also proves that the Islanders can’t even be the best at being the worst. Anyway, there have been some other silly attempts to sell tickets around the league and some of them are so silly, I decided to forego what would have been an almost serious article.
I’ll start with the Florida Panthers. This one is really simple. Anyone who rides a bicycle to certain games gets in for free. Just like that. So dust off that old Schwinn, Panthers fans within riding distance of the BankAtlantic Center, but leave your wallet at home!
Am I the only one who sees the stupidity in this? How many people will really be able to take advantage of this promotion? The vast majority of bicycle commuters ride to work alone. I work in the bicycle industry. TRUST ME ON THIS. Most of them ride to and from work alone. So this means the majority of them are expected to ride to the arena alone. Now, let me ask you… you expect them to go to a game alone? Only serious fans go to games alone and if they were serious, they’d already have a ticket. Season ticket holders go to games alone. And if you’re a season ticket holder, you know most of the people in your section anyway so you’re never really there alone. This guy on a bike is someone who wasn’t going to the game anyway. Good chance he’s not going to the game tonight cause he has no one to go with… even though it’s free.
My nearest arena is the Izod center (former home of the NJ Devils) and that arena is NOT safely accessible by bicycle. I’m not saying it can’t be done. Maybe a seasoned commuter wouldn’t have a problem with it, but the average person trying to bring a bike to a game for a free ticket will be saying over and over to him or herself “I’m never doing this again, I’m never doing this again, I’m never doing this again…” as semi after semi passes by within inches of their elbows. Don’t expect someone to get their bike out of the shed and attempt a ride to an arena. Again, I don’t know how easily accessible the BankAtlantic is by bicycle, but if it’s anything like the Izod, I’d be scared to get there any way other than a car or a bus.
Ever go for a bike ride with a little kid? It takes forever just to go around the block. You’d have to set like 2 hours aside to ride the family to the arena to catch a game. Then hope you child doesn’t get run over by a car, bus, or truck. Then listen to them whine and complain the whole time that they’re tired cause how many miles can a little kid pedal for? And then when it’s all finally done… you have to do it all again… in the dark. NO.
I also feel I should point out the obvious loophole. Drive to the arena, take your bike out of the trunk, bring it to the window and get your free ticket. All you’d pay is parking.
I like their attempt at going green. It’s a novel concept and it’s a great PR move. But it falls short when you figure out how many people will really take advantage of it.
Think that was bad? Wait till you hear this.
The St. Louis Blues officially have the craziest scheme ever to get people to games. EVER! The team announced Monday that at every remaining Saturday home game beginning Nov. 29, the organization will call the seat number of a fan and pay that person’s mortgage or rent for four months, up to $4,000 total.
WHAT?
This is one of those situations where I don’t know if I should even make a joke about it because I’m not confident I can write a joke that is funnier than the truth.
Seriously… how bad is your team? How undesirable are your tickets… that you need to pay people’s rent for 4 months? Do you think they’re going to take all that extra money and go to more hockey games? Look, maybe they will. Then again, maybe they won’t. It’s a gamble. A few grand is nothing to a professional sports franchise so who cares if it works. It’s just… wow. Really. Wow.
In case you were wondering, the Blues (at the time of my writing this) have 11 points. That’s 1 more than the Islanders and the same as the Panthers. All are last in their divisions. Noticing a trend here? Are last place teams required to do stupid things to get people to come watch their teams play last place hockey? I have a great idea. It will work. People will come see you play. PLAY BETTER HOCKEY! Start there! Enough with the gimmicks! I could buy a hockey ticket for $25 and I might get free rent for 4 months. I can also buy a lottery ticket for $1 that might get me free rent FOREVER in my new mansion while I watch the game on TV at home on my gigantic new screen.
I know the economy is rough right now, so being the best team in the league still might not fill seats if your fans just don’t have the extra cash to go to games. But come on, I know we can do better than this. Atlanta (2nd to last in their division, just 3 points up on the Panthers) has it figured out. Look at this: http://thrashers.nhl.com/team/app/?service=page&page=NHLPage&id=26637
That’s a good deal! That’s a really good deal. You get 4 pricing options and free dinner (that is a step above your typical fast food). All the options are really good deals. Except that you have to watch a thrashers game.
I do feel that it is somewhat irresponsible of me to do all this complaining without offering any solutions. Here you go, crappy teams. Try these!
1. Alexander Ovechkin Cutout Night. Don’t act like you wouldn’t go. You would either go, or be sad you missed it. Who wouldn’t want a cutout of him firing a shot at the net, or celebrating another goal with those troll-under-a-bridge good looks, huh? I’m so there.
2. For the Islanders, I suggest “Play for the team” night. The first 5 fans to show up dress as the Islanders 4th line. Because really, how much worse could it be, and you honestly never know. Let the 5 lucky fans keep their uniforms, too.
3. I know this is a joke list, but this one I might actually be serious about. Free beer night. Does it really need explanation? It certainly has potential for complete disaster, but if someone found a way to do it right, it would work. Plus, if you get them drunk, they might not notice how bad the team is that they’re cheering for. Just a thought.
4. Gary Bettman wig night. Yes, you too can lack the very same charm as our commissioner if you are one of the first 5,000 fans to show up tonight! Dismiss, criticism with ease! Sidestep hard hitting questions! Take completely self-serving photos with the Conn Smythe winner and Stanley Cup winning team captain every single year as you make the fans watch and wait in agony for their celebration. Sell out to Reebok! Get booed in every arena you set foot in! Talk in circles! Yes, you can do it all with the Gary Bettman combover wig! Yours FREE with admission! (Offer applies to the first 5000 fans under the age of 15.)
5. Ryan Hollweg inaction figure night. This inaction figure is not poseable, he remains in a seated position wearing a suit as he watches yet another game from the stands while serving his umpteenth suspension of the year. While this would in fact bring no one to games… in fact it might actually keep people away… it could be used to throw at Sidney Crosby should it be during a Pittsburgh game. You gotta find the silver lining, kids. It’s always there somewhere.
Look, I know times are tough, but don’t be afraid. Gary Bettman has once again said that the fundamentals of the NHL's economy are strong. Another blanket statement referring to TV revenue and not Ticket sales. So I guess all those league-wide empty seats are nothing to worry about after all. Thanks, Gary. Good thing we have you around to cover up the problems for us or we might really start to get nervous. Nice hair.
See you next week.
Does anyone remember the very first 2 Minute Minor? I hope so, it wasn’t that long ago. Anyway, I made fun of the Islanders. Badly. Not just for being the worst, but mainly for their amusing attempts to sell tickets. I don’t want to take anything away from how dumb the Islanders buy-one-get-one-free-maybe deal is so go back and read it if you forgot.
(Read it here http://breakingthetrap.blogspot.com/2008/10/two-minute-minor-las-vegas-islanders.html)
The Islanders are no longer the silliest team with too many unsold tickets left over. They’re not even in 2nd place. This also proves that the Islanders can’t even be the best at being the worst. Anyway, there have been some other silly attempts to sell tickets around the league and some of them are so silly, I decided to forego what would have been an almost serious article.
I’ll start with the Florida Panthers. This one is really simple. Anyone who rides a bicycle to certain games gets in for free. Just like that. So dust off that old Schwinn, Panthers fans within riding distance of the BankAtlantic Center, but leave your wallet at home!
Am I the only one who sees the stupidity in this? How many people will really be able to take advantage of this promotion? The vast majority of bicycle commuters ride to work alone. I work in the bicycle industry. TRUST ME ON THIS. Most of them ride to and from work alone. So this means the majority of them are expected to ride to the arena alone. Now, let me ask you… you expect them to go to a game alone? Only serious fans go to games alone and if they were serious, they’d already have a ticket. Season ticket holders go to games alone. And if you’re a season ticket holder, you know most of the people in your section anyway so you’re never really there alone. This guy on a bike is someone who wasn’t going to the game anyway. Good chance he’s not going to the game tonight cause he has no one to go with… even though it’s free.
My nearest arena is the Izod center (former home of the NJ Devils) and that arena is NOT safely accessible by bicycle. I’m not saying it can’t be done. Maybe a seasoned commuter wouldn’t have a problem with it, but the average person trying to bring a bike to a game for a free ticket will be saying over and over to him or herself “I’m never doing this again, I’m never doing this again, I’m never doing this again…” as semi after semi passes by within inches of their elbows. Don’t expect someone to get their bike out of the shed and attempt a ride to an arena. Again, I don’t know how easily accessible the BankAtlantic is by bicycle, but if it’s anything like the Izod, I’d be scared to get there any way other than a car or a bus.
Ever go for a bike ride with a little kid? It takes forever just to go around the block. You’d have to set like 2 hours aside to ride the family to the arena to catch a game. Then hope you child doesn’t get run over by a car, bus, or truck. Then listen to them whine and complain the whole time that they’re tired cause how many miles can a little kid pedal for? And then when it’s all finally done… you have to do it all again… in the dark. NO.
I also feel I should point out the obvious loophole. Drive to the arena, take your bike out of the trunk, bring it to the window and get your free ticket. All you’d pay is parking.
I like their attempt at going green. It’s a novel concept and it’s a great PR move. But it falls short when you figure out how many people will really take advantage of it.
Think that was bad? Wait till you hear this.
The St. Louis Blues officially have the craziest scheme ever to get people to games. EVER! The team announced Monday that at every remaining Saturday home game beginning Nov. 29, the organization will call the seat number of a fan and pay that person’s mortgage or rent for four months, up to $4,000 total.
WHAT?
This is one of those situations where I don’t know if I should even make a joke about it because I’m not confident I can write a joke that is funnier than the truth.
Seriously… how bad is your team? How undesirable are your tickets… that you need to pay people’s rent for 4 months? Do you think they’re going to take all that extra money and go to more hockey games? Look, maybe they will. Then again, maybe they won’t. It’s a gamble. A few grand is nothing to a professional sports franchise so who cares if it works. It’s just… wow. Really. Wow.
In case you were wondering, the Blues (at the time of my writing this) have 11 points. That’s 1 more than the Islanders and the same as the Panthers. All are last in their divisions. Noticing a trend here? Are last place teams required to do stupid things to get people to come watch their teams play last place hockey? I have a great idea. It will work. People will come see you play. PLAY BETTER HOCKEY! Start there! Enough with the gimmicks! I could buy a hockey ticket for $25 and I might get free rent for 4 months. I can also buy a lottery ticket for $1 that might get me free rent FOREVER in my new mansion while I watch the game on TV at home on my gigantic new screen.
I know the economy is rough right now, so being the best team in the league still might not fill seats if your fans just don’t have the extra cash to go to games. But come on, I know we can do better than this. Atlanta (2nd to last in their division, just 3 points up on the Panthers) has it figured out. Look at this: http://thrashers.nhl.com/team/app/?service=page&page=NHLPage&id=26637
That’s a good deal! That’s a really good deal. You get 4 pricing options and free dinner (that is a step above your typical fast food). All the options are really good deals. Except that you have to watch a thrashers game.
I do feel that it is somewhat irresponsible of me to do all this complaining without offering any solutions. Here you go, crappy teams. Try these!
1. Alexander Ovechkin Cutout Night. Don’t act like you wouldn’t go. You would either go, or be sad you missed it. Who wouldn’t want a cutout of him firing a shot at the net, or celebrating another goal with those troll-under-a-bridge good looks, huh? I’m so there.
2. For the Islanders, I suggest “Play for the team” night. The first 5 fans to show up dress as the Islanders 4th line. Because really, how much worse could it be, and you honestly never know. Let the 5 lucky fans keep their uniforms, too.
3. I know this is a joke list, but this one I might actually be serious about. Free beer night. Does it really need explanation? It certainly has potential for complete disaster, but if someone found a way to do it right, it would work. Plus, if you get them drunk, they might not notice how bad the team is that they’re cheering for. Just a thought.
4. Gary Bettman wig night. Yes, you too can lack the very same charm as our commissioner if you are one of the first 5,000 fans to show up tonight! Dismiss, criticism with ease! Sidestep hard hitting questions! Take completely self-serving photos with the Conn Smythe winner and Stanley Cup winning team captain every single year as you make the fans watch and wait in agony for their celebration. Sell out to Reebok! Get booed in every arena you set foot in! Talk in circles! Yes, you can do it all with the Gary Bettman combover wig! Yours FREE with admission! (Offer applies to the first 5000 fans under the age of 15.)
5. Ryan Hollweg inaction figure night. This inaction figure is not poseable, he remains in a seated position wearing a suit as he watches yet another game from the stands while serving his umpteenth suspension of the year. While this would in fact bring no one to games… in fact it might actually keep people away… it could be used to throw at Sidney Crosby should it be during a Pittsburgh game. You gotta find the silver lining, kids. It’s always there somewhere.
Look, I know times are tough, but don’t be afraid. Gary Bettman has once again said that the fundamentals of the NHL's economy are strong. Another blanket statement referring to TV revenue and not Ticket sales. So I guess all those league-wide empty seats are nothing to worry about after all. Thanks, Gary. Good thing we have you around to cover up the problems for us or we might really start to get nervous. Nice hair.
See you next week.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
BTT Injury Report: Snow Patrol
If I lay here...
If I just lay here....
Will you "day to day" me and just forget your team...
Paul Kariya will NOT be playing tomorrow in Buffalo and may not be playing on Friday either. They are disclosing that Kariya's injury was too one of his feet and that he wasn't at practice on Monday.
Cory Stillman, recovering from a concussion, will be returning to practice this week and hopefully to the ice by the end of the week beginning of next week.
Pascal Leclaire returned to practice on Monday but is expected to be given at least practices to warm up before he sees in game action. Steve Mason is on a two game winning streak but still, to my eyes, looks shaky. Regardless, Hitchcock won't rush Leclaire so long as Mason is getting them victories.
Jonathan Cheechoo is sidelined with the deadly "upper body injury." If you are looking for a replacement winger there are at least three wingers more fantasy worthy then Cheechoo on his own team.
Good news for Devils fans, apparently Brian Rolston is inching closer to getting back on the ice after the injury to his left ankle. It might just be a lost season for the Devils anyway with Martin Brodeur, Bobby Holik, Paul Martin, Bryce Salvador and Brian Gionta all currently sitting out with injuries this is a tough time to be a fan of the horned one.
The Sharks are taking their time with Nabakov's leg injury but he was running through drills in practice on Monday.
and finally...
Marain... Gaborik... IS... SKATING No timetable yet but Gaborik has taking his first step towards a return. This likely can't come soon enough for many fantasy owners, for whom Gaborik was a high round draft pick, but I imagine Minnesota is a little reluctant to mess with the chemistry that currently sees them one point out of first in the Northwest Division with two games in hand over the Canucks. Don't expect Gaborik to be rushed.
Thats all for now. Come back a little later for Shooting Percentage... where I take shots at myself
If I just lay here....
Will you "day to day" me and just forget your team...
Paul Kariya will NOT be playing tomorrow in Buffalo and may not be playing on Friday either. They are disclosing that Kariya's injury was too one of his feet and that he wasn't at practice on Monday.
Cory Stillman, recovering from a concussion, will be returning to practice this week and hopefully to the ice by the end of the week beginning of next week.
Pascal Leclaire returned to practice on Monday but is expected to be given at least practices to warm up before he sees in game action. Steve Mason is on a two game winning streak but still, to my eyes, looks shaky. Regardless, Hitchcock won't rush Leclaire so long as Mason is getting them victories.
Jonathan Cheechoo is sidelined with the deadly "upper body injury." If you are looking for a replacement winger there are at least three wingers more fantasy worthy then Cheechoo on his own team.
Good news for Devils fans, apparently Brian Rolston is inching closer to getting back on the ice after the injury to his left ankle. It might just be a lost season for the Devils anyway with Martin Brodeur, Bobby Holik, Paul Martin, Bryce Salvador and Brian Gionta all currently sitting out with injuries this is a tough time to be a fan of the horned one.
The Sharks are taking their time with Nabakov's leg injury but he was running through drills in practice on Monday.
and finally...
Marain... Gaborik... IS... SKATING No timetable yet but Gaborik has taking his first step towards a return. This likely can't come soon enough for many fantasy owners, for whom Gaborik was a high round draft pick, but I imagine Minnesota is a little reluctant to mess with the chemistry that currently sees them one point out of first in the Northwest Division with two games in hand over the Canucks. Don't expect Gaborik to be rushed.
Thats all for now. Come back a little later for Shooting Percentage... where I take shots at myself
Monday, November 10, 2008
Ice Fishing: Tending Your Goal
I was just like 6 weeks early on David Booth! Booth potted goals 5, 6, and 7 of the year last night against the Anaheim Ducks. Heh. It was a busy weekend in the NHL and, as is often the case when many games are played, a lot of interesting storylines.
Booth was one of two hat tricks this weekend, the other came off the stick of the freshly signed Mark Parrish in his Dallas Stars debut. Goals 1, 2 and 3 in game 1... not bad Mark.
From momentous "goals" to momentous "goal" Sunday marked the return of Jonathan Toews to the "G" category as he scored his first goal of the season in game number 13. Those of you who have remained faithful to Mr. Toews through this slump should be relatively pleased with all the follows. Its not like he hasn't contributed in other ways as he has 9 points through 13 games.
Roberto Luongo stretched his shutout streak to three straight games. That's bound to end soon enough but consider this: This is the second time Luongo has had three consecutive shutouts while a member of the Vancouver Canucks and Luongo already has 16 shutouts in Van-city, 4 shy of the franchise record. All that for Todd Bertuzzi and some lint. Deal of the century.
Boston is tied with Buffalo for the top seed in that division... granted they've both played two more games then Montreal but wow... I mean who saw that coming.
Kevin Weekes is exactly the goalie I remember him being from his time as the Rangers starter. He will give you competent enough goaltending to ensure that you don't get blown out in any game. Devils fans we are in for a series of frustrating 1 or 2 goal losses. On the plus side, Parise owners expect him to be let off of his chain, so to speak, offensively.
In injury news, Paul Kariya's MRI was negative and he should return Wednesday, Brian Boucher is filling in for Nabakov for the foreseeable future, and Danny Briere returned to the Flyers over the weekend and scored their lone goal in a 2-1 loss to Tampa Bay. More on all of these situations in the BTT Injury Report tomorrow.
Speaking of Philly they traded Steve Downie and a bag of chips for Matt Carle over the weekend. Carle has looked... less then spectacular defensively this season which makes this trade a curious one to me. What Philly needs are some shutdown d-men as they are already loaded offensively speaking with Coburn and Timonen. I think this move effectively buries Carle, fantasy wise as he is now third on the depth chart for powerplay point time
All right, enough posturing, you want your adds and drops for the week, well here you go.
Keep 'Em
Bryan Little
C, Atlanta
You know that a center has to be performing spectacularly for me to suggest his addition to your team. Bryan Little is on fire (8 goals and 7 assists through 15 games) and is a former 12th overall pick... so this is the sort of thing that's expected of him. He's a plus 7 on an abysmal team. He doesn't shoot much but he is otherwise a good add to your fantasy team. I like him so much I'm not even going to make a "little" joke.
Martin Erat
RW, Nashville
Ownership sent a message over the summer by making Martin Erat the highest paid player on this team. The message was that this was now his team and he was expected to carry it with nearly every other familiar face, Arnott and the stellar D excepted, departing Erat was expected to raise his game to another level. So far he has done just that. Again, shots on goal are an issue but he seems to be raising his game in every other respect.
Mike Smith
G, Tampa Bay
Love him or hate him, Smith is the only reason Tampa has won any games this season, and they are starting to get some good gritty wins. Smith is a tough start, as on a given night he can either let up 1 goal on 52 shots or 5 goals on 26, but he balances himself out in the long run. If you are confident in your ability to play "Spot Start Roulette" then Smith is a spectacular addition as a third goalie.
Weigh 'Em
Manny Legace
G, St. Louis
Legace is a good goalie. It doesn't look that way right now because he's still rusty after returning from the "lower body" injury he suffered after face-planting on Sarah Pallin's carpet (100% dirty but also 100% factual) but I think it will bear out over time; particularly once Kariya returns to the lineup.
Niklas Hagman
LW, Toronto
I still say this has to stop eventually but you might want to consider picking him up until this streak does eventually conclude.
Alex Auld
G, Ottawa
There are and will be very few sure things on waiver as it relates to goaltenders (my recommendation of Mike Smith above should sort of prove that point). Auld might still be available in your league. He has thus far put up stellar numbers (5-2-1, 1.85 GAA and 2.36 SV %) and has looked good doing it. The only reason I'm not giving him my highest recommendation is that he probably has the lowest job security in the NHL right now. He's a roll of the dice, but a good one.
Vaclav Prospal
LW, Tampa Bay
Tampa is streaking right now and that means that that top line is coming alive. Prospal is the only member of the top line that should still be out there. He might be worth a speculative add if you've got the roster space.
Bill Guerin
RW, New York Islanders
Billy G. is one of my all time favorite hockey players. He can skate, won the fastest skater competition at the All star game, shoot, pass and score, but he also plays the gritty side of the game and isn't afraid to go into the corner with anyone. I don't think he has enough left in the tank to put together a full season of fantasy roster-worthy play but Bill still has enough in the tank to put together a streak every so often. December and January were Guerin's months last year. This season its looking like the addition of Doug Weight has brought those months early. Guerin, when he is scoring hurts you nowhere but in the plus-minus column, unlike Weight who will give you two shots a game at most. As long as the streak lasts he's worth having, but you have to be ready to let go when its done.
Toss 'Em
Vesa Toskala
G, Toronto
Despite Toronto's recent success Toskala's number remain abysmal, 6 wins 3.08 GAA and .884 SV %. Its not his fault, but that doesn't change the fact that he's barely a candidate for spot starts at this point.
Ed Jovonovski
D, Phoenix
I'm not sure but I think it might be time to panic. He's still taking shots but the PIM points and plus minus aren't there yet this season. Ballard and Boynton's departure seems to be putting a lot of the defensive pressure back on Jovo-cop. I don't know that I drop him yet but I certainly bench him.
Jose Theodore
G, Washington
I hate to say I told you so... Brent Johnson has now gotten the last 3 starts for Washington. Theodore is having trouble even getting time on the bench as the backup. I'm not saying he won't have some incredible streak at some point this season but is that really what you want out of a number 2 goalie? Bench him or drop him. There's better out there... including Brent Johnson.
Booth was one of two hat tricks this weekend, the other came off the stick of the freshly signed Mark Parrish in his Dallas Stars debut. Goals 1, 2 and 3 in game 1... not bad Mark.
From momentous "goals" to momentous "goal" Sunday marked the return of Jonathan Toews to the "G" category as he scored his first goal of the season in game number 13. Those of you who have remained faithful to Mr. Toews through this slump should be relatively pleased with all the follows. Its not like he hasn't contributed in other ways as he has 9 points through 13 games.
Roberto Luongo stretched his shutout streak to three straight games. That's bound to end soon enough but consider this: This is the second time Luongo has had three consecutive shutouts while a member of the Vancouver Canucks and Luongo already has 16 shutouts in Van-city, 4 shy of the franchise record. All that for Todd Bertuzzi and some lint. Deal of the century.
Boston is tied with Buffalo for the top seed in that division... granted they've both played two more games then Montreal but wow... I mean who saw that coming.
Kevin Weekes is exactly the goalie I remember him being from his time as the Rangers starter. He will give you competent enough goaltending to ensure that you don't get blown out in any game. Devils fans we are in for a series of frustrating 1 or 2 goal losses. On the plus side, Parise owners expect him to be let off of his chain, so to speak, offensively.
In injury news, Paul Kariya's MRI was negative and he should return Wednesday, Brian Boucher is filling in for Nabakov for the foreseeable future, and Danny Briere returned to the Flyers over the weekend and scored their lone goal in a 2-1 loss to Tampa Bay. More on all of these situations in the BTT Injury Report tomorrow.
Speaking of Philly they traded Steve Downie and a bag of chips for Matt Carle over the weekend. Carle has looked... less then spectacular defensively this season which makes this trade a curious one to me. What Philly needs are some shutdown d-men as they are already loaded offensively speaking with Coburn and Timonen. I think this move effectively buries Carle, fantasy wise as he is now third on the depth chart for powerplay point time
All right, enough posturing, you want your adds and drops for the week, well here you go.
Keep 'Em
Bryan Little
C, Atlanta
You know that a center has to be performing spectacularly for me to suggest his addition to your team. Bryan Little is on fire (8 goals and 7 assists through 15 games) and is a former 12th overall pick... so this is the sort of thing that's expected of him. He's a plus 7 on an abysmal team. He doesn't shoot much but he is otherwise a good add to your fantasy team. I like him so much I'm not even going to make a "little" joke.
Martin Erat
RW, Nashville
Ownership sent a message over the summer by making Martin Erat the highest paid player on this team. The message was that this was now his team and he was expected to carry it with nearly every other familiar face, Arnott and the stellar D excepted, departing Erat was expected to raise his game to another level. So far he has done just that. Again, shots on goal are an issue but he seems to be raising his game in every other respect.
Mike Smith
G, Tampa Bay
Love him or hate him, Smith is the only reason Tampa has won any games this season, and they are starting to get some good gritty wins. Smith is a tough start, as on a given night he can either let up 1 goal on 52 shots or 5 goals on 26, but he balances himself out in the long run. If you are confident in your ability to play "Spot Start Roulette" then Smith is a spectacular addition as a third goalie.
Weigh 'Em
Manny Legace
G, St. Louis
Legace is a good goalie. It doesn't look that way right now because he's still rusty after returning from the "lower body" injury he suffered after face-planting on Sarah Pallin's carpet (100% dirty but also 100% factual) but I think it will bear out over time; particularly once Kariya returns to the lineup.
Niklas Hagman
LW, Toronto
I still say this has to stop eventually but you might want to consider picking him up until this streak does eventually conclude.
Alex Auld
G, Ottawa
There are and will be very few sure things on waiver as it relates to goaltenders (my recommendation of Mike Smith above should sort of prove that point). Auld might still be available in your league. He has thus far put up stellar numbers (5-2-1, 1.85 GAA and 2.36 SV %) and has looked good doing it. The only reason I'm not giving him my highest recommendation is that he probably has the lowest job security in the NHL right now. He's a roll of the dice, but a good one.
Vaclav Prospal
LW, Tampa Bay
Tampa is streaking right now and that means that that top line is coming alive. Prospal is the only member of the top line that should still be out there. He might be worth a speculative add if you've got the roster space.
Bill Guerin
RW, New York Islanders
Billy G. is one of my all time favorite hockey players. He can skate, won the fastest skater competition at the All star game, shoot, pass and score, but he also plays the gritty side of the game and isn't afraid to go into the corner with anyone. I don't think he has enough left in the tank to put together a full season of fantasy roster-worthy play but Bill still has enough in the tank to put together a streak every so often. December and January were Guerin's months last year. This season its looking like the addition of Doug Weight has brought those months early. Guerin, when he is scoring hurts you nowhere but in the plus-minus column, unlike Weight who will give you two shots a game at most. As long as the streak lasts he's worth having, but you have to be ready to let go when its done.
Toss 'Em
Vesa Toskala
G, Toronto
Despite Toronto's recent success Toskala's number remain abysmal, 6 wins 3.08 GAA and .884 SV %. Its not his fault, but that doesn't change the fact that he's barely a candidate for spot starts at this point.
Ed Jovonovski
D, Phoenix
I'm not sure but I think it might be time to panic. He's still taking shots but the PIM points and plus minus aren't there yet this season. Ballard and Boynton's departure seems to be putting a lot of the defensive pressure back on Jovo-cop. I don't know that I drop him yet but I certainly bench him.
Jose Theodore
G, Washington
I hate to say I told you so... Brent Johnson has now gotten the last 3 starts for Washington. Theodore is having trouble even getting time on the bench as the backup. I'm not saying he won't have some incredible streak at some point this season but is that really what you want out of a number 2 goalie? Bench him or drop him. There's better out there... including Brent Johnson.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Thoughts on Last Night's Games
About the time that Mike Smith shoved his blocker into Aaron Voros' mouth I was positive that I was sitting at the most exciting game in the NHL last night until I saw the scores of the Edmonton/Pittsburgh game, Washington/Carolina game and Calgary/Nashville. Any doubts that scoring is up this year in the NHL can be quickly dispelled by a quick glance at last night's scoreboard. Of 11 games only 2 had less then 5 goals; 3 had 7 goals; and 3 more had 9 or more. The big one was Calgary v. Nashville which featured a grand total of thirteen tallies. Enough babbling... lots going on...
-To yesterday's BTT Injury update add the following:
- Paul Kariya left Wednesday's game in Anaheim in the second period with an undisclosed lower body injury. He returned to St. Louis for an MRI and missed yesterday's game against San Jose. St. Louis is in the middle of a road trip and plays Los Angeles tomorrow night before flying off to Buffalo for a game next Wednesday. Best case scenario I would expect Kariya to miss at least Saturday's game in LA.
- Joe Sakic missed last night's game against Minnesota with a strained lower back. This is the kind of injury that you worry about with an older player as its the kind of the thing that can become recurring. I wouldn't be too worried about Joe though as he has been a point a game so far and will play unless he is physically incapable.
- Brent Burns left Minnesota's road trip with a dreaded upper body injury. Burns hasn't really caught fire yet this year but if you still have him on your team be aware that he is going to miss at least a few games.
- Evgeni Nabakov oh noes! Nabakov finished the game against St. Louis slumped over on the ice. San Jose is calling it a "lower body injury" today but several sources are saying that he "did something" to his "left leg" and that's at least a little bit more specific. His backup, Brian Boucher, is not spectacular fantasy wise but San Jose might be good enough for a speculative add if you've got a free roster spot.
- A miniature Breaking the Slump:
Congratulations to a pair of Mighty Mites who broke their slumps last night at the Rangers/Tampa Bay game. Martin St. Louis scored one of the prettiest goals I have ever seen. He took the puck, kicked it behind his back up to his stick then skated backwards towards Lundqvist before switching to his backhand and popping the puck top shelf. Follow that? Neither did Hank. It was a freaking street hockey goal.
Marty has had a tough start to the season, but I wouldn't be worried if I were a St. Louis owner. The guy has a history of being streaky but I still think he'll get you somewhere between 70 and 80 points. The big concern, as it is with all Tampa Bay players, has to be the powerplay. I'm not convinced that that is going to change. Watching as many Tampa games as I, unfortunately, have it would seem that their special teams are just... well... off. The penalty kill is just... wow
Also on the score sheet last night, Chris Drury came out of the fog and potted a hat trick. Good for Dru... I don't think this makes him fantasy worthy yet, as you've probably already missed his production for the next few games (and he's currently the Rangers third line center). Big wait and see for Drury.
-Observations on last nights games
- Mike Smith owners... don't you wish goalie PIM's counted? Mike Smith channeled Billy Smith last night and dropped the gloves against Aaron Voros after battling with him for the entire game. Smith apparently saw a vacancy for "Rangers fans most hated goalie" with Marty out and decided to put in his application. Another point. How good is Voros? Still miss Sean Avery Rangers' fans?
- WHOOPS! Blake Wheeler recorded his first NHL hat trick for the Boston Bruins last night. Congrats to Whoops on the achievement. Wheeler, I think, still needs another year before he is reliable fantasy contributor but he is turning into a very fun player to watch.
- Pittsburgh fans! Be discouraged with Fleury's play (though putting up 4 goals and losing is Edmonton's Modus Operandi these days) but be encouraged by the play of Miroslav Satan and Petr Sykora. The Pens put up 5 goals last night and none of them were scored by Crosby or Malkin. Satan is on fire right now (8 goals) but Sykora has been slow to the starting gate. Well, 2 goals last night plus some powerplay time encourages me. If you've got Sykora on your bench it might be a good time to start playing him.
- Shea...motherflippin... Weber... that is all. No. OK so did I think he'd have 7 goals at this point in the season? No, but he does and now you need to figure out what to do with him? Guys like Weber, Semin and Vanek are all performing above their lofty expectations. Is it time to consider selling high? No I don't think so, particularly with Weber and Semin. Weber could very well continue to be a strong contributor throughout the year. He has 7 goals, top amongst d-men, and is ranked second to only Chris Pronger in standard Yahoo leagues. I think he finishes the year in the top 15 amongst d-men and I don't think you'll get that kind of return on him. Same for Semin, the return won't be worth what you are giving up.
- LUONGO! 2 shutouts in a row. Luongo owners... exhale.
- Ryan Clowe... two goals and the shootout winner... told you to watch him preseason based on his strong postseason and told you to pick him up yesterday... just saying. Setoguchi had another great night as well with two assists and 4 SOG.
That's all for now. I should be back a little bit later on in the day with updates, news, musings, etc.
-To yesterday's BTT Injury update add the following:
- Paul Kariya left Wednesday's game in Anaheim in the second period with an undisclosed lower body injury. He returned to St. Louis for an MRI and missed yesterday's game against San Jose. St. Louis is in the middle of a road trip and plays Los Angeles tomorrow night before flying off to Buffalo for a game next Wednesday. Best case scenario I would expect Kariya to miss at least Saturday's game in LA.
- Joe Sakic missed last night's game against Minnesota with a strained lower back. This is the kind of injury that you worry about with an older player as its the kind of the thing that can become recurring. I wouldn't be too worried about Joe though as he has been a point a game so far and will play unless he is physically incapable.
- Brent Burns left Minnesota's road trip with a dreaded upper body injury. Burns hasn't really caught fire yet this year but if you still have him on your team be aware that he is going to miss at least a few games.
- Evgeni Nabakov oh noes! Nabakov finished the game against St. Louis slumped over on the ice. San Jose is calling it a "lower body injury" today but several sources are saying that he "did something" to his "left leg" and that's at least a little bit more specific. His backup, Brian Boucher, is not spectacular fantasy wise but San Jose might be good enough for a speculative add if you've got a free roster spot.
- A miniature Breaking the Slump:
Congratulations to a pair of Mighty Mites who broke their slumps last night at the Rangers/Tampa Bay game. Martin St. Louis scored one of the prettiest goals I have ever seen. He took the puck, kicked it behind his back up to his stick then skated backwards towards Lundqvist before switching to his backhand and popping the puck top shelf. Follow that? Neither did Hank. It was a freaking street hockey goal.
Marty has had a tough start to the season, but I wouldn't be worried if I were a St. Louis owner. The guy has a history of being streaky but I still think he'll get you somewhere between 70 and 80 points. The big concern, as it is with all Tampa Bay players, has to be the powerplay. I'm not convinced that that is going to change. Watching as many Tampa games as I, unfortunately, have it would seem that their special teams are just... well... off. The penalty kill is just... wow
Also on the score sheet last night, Chris Drury came out of the fog and potted a hat trick. Good for Dru... I don't think this makes him fantasy worthy yet, as you've probably already missed his production for the next few games (and he's currently the Rangers third line center). Big wait and see for Drury.
-Observations on last nights games
- Mike Smith owners... don't you wish goalie PIM's counted? Mike Smith channeled Billy Smith last night and dropped the gloves against Aaron Voros after battling with him for the entire game. Smith apparently saw a vacancy for "Rangers fans most hated goalie" with Marty out and decided to put in his application. Another point. How good is Voros? Still miss Sean Avery Rangers' fans?
- WHOOPS! Blake Wheeler recorded his first NHL hat trick for the Boston Bruins last night. Congrats to Whoops on the achievement. Wheeler, I think, still needs another year before he is reliable fantasy contributor but he is turning into a very fun player to watch.
- Pittsburgh fans! Be discouraged with Fleury's play (though putting up 4 goals and losing is Edmonton's Modus Operandi these days) but be encouraged by the play of Miroslav Satan and Petr Sykora. The Pens put up 5 goals last night and none of them were scored by Crosby or Malkin. Satan is on fire right now (8 goals) but Sykora has been slow to the starting gate. Well, 2 goals last night plus some powerplay time encourages me. If you've got Sykora on your bench it might be a good time to start playing him.
- Shea...motherflippin... Weber... that is all. No. OK so did I think he'd have 7 goals at this point in the season? No, but he does and now you need to figure out what to do with him? Guys like Weber, Semin and Vanek are all performing above their lofty expectations. Is it time to consider selling high? No I don't think so, particularly with Weber and Semin. Weber could very well continue to be a strong contributor throughout the year. He has 7 goals, top amongst d-men, and is ranked second to only Chris Pronger in standard Yahoo leagues. I think he finishes the year in the top 15 amongst d-men and I don't think you'll get that kind of return on him. Same for Semin, the return won't be worth what you are giving up.
- LUONGO! 2 shutouts in a row. Luongo owners... exhale.
- Ryan Clowe... two goals and the shootout winner... told you to watch him preseason based on his strong postseason and told you to pick him up yesterday... just saying. Setoguchi had another great night as well with two assists and 4 SOG.
That's all for now. I should be back a little bit later on in the day with updates, news, musings, etc.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Ice Fishing: A Very Western Week
Interesting week that was in the NHL. Some goaltending controversies gained a bit more speed, some lost it. The Anaheim Ducks continued to roll as all of their stars have finally found their mojo and the Edmonton Oilers continued to stall despite strong fantasy play by most of its high profile forwards and defensemen. Toronto and Columbus scored and the Rangers bored. Mats Sundin attended a Vancouver game and Ryan Clowe took his turn as San Jose's scoring winger.
Let's get to the meat of it shall we...
Keep 'em:
Ryan Clowe
LW, San Jose
I figured I put him in the lead in so I might as well end the suspense right away. Unlike Setoguchi, who incidentally still gets my strongest recommendation, Clowe sees powerplay time with this squad. Clowe is tied for fourth on the team in points, behind only the resurgent Patrick Marleau, the spectacular Joe Thornton, and the aforementioned Devin Setoguchi, is third in PIM, and leads the team with 4 powerplay goals. What's not to like?
Chirs Kunitz
LW, Anaheim
He shouldn't be available in your league, but some people had goalie problems early and needed space on their rosters and were really lucky to pick him back up before he tallied 5 assists this last week. Yes I'm talking about myself and no I don't know why you should listen to anything I say beyond that last sentence.
Cam Barker
D, Chicago
We're having a bit of a west coast tip here but this blog is so east-centric that I'm feeling unapologetic right now. Barker has responded to his call up strongly. In 4 games Barker has 2 goals and an assist and 4 PIM. Both goals came on the man advantage. There is some speculation, has been since the preseason, that the Blackhawks are trying to move Barker. So long as that is the case and he's producing expect the Hawks to use him in showcase situations like the point on the man advantage.
Weigh 'Em:
Kris Versteeg:
RW, Chicago
Versteeg put up another two assists this week and is starting to look like a real challenger for the Calder this year. About a week ago Craig Kanelley alerted me to a piece he did on Versteeg over on Hawkey Central. Its a really interesting piece for anyone who would like to know more about the young man that has seemingly come out of nowhere to lead all rookies in scoring through November. Check it out here:
http://hawkeycentral.windycitizen.com/2008/10/29/from-lethbridge-to-chi-town
Jakub Voracek:
RW, Columbus
Notice the large number of wingers this week? You should all be pretty well set on your centers by now, but good wingers can be tough to find. For that you've got to look to surprising sources like overproducing veterans, breakout stars and yes... rookies. Voracek here came on strong in the last week and now has 10 points through 13 games.
Ray Whitney:
LW, Carolina
Oh good... I was starting to get worried that there were no Eastern Conference guys on this list. Whitney had 6 points, 3 goals and 3 assists, in the last week with four of those points coming on the man advantage. The only thing that keeps Wizard from being in the "Keep 'em" section is the fact he was also an atrocious -4 over that same span. You might want to give Tuomo Ruutu a look as well as he also has 6 points over the last week but is a +4. The knock on Ruutu is his lack of powerplay time and shots on goal(3).
Toss 'Em Back:
Kevin Weekes, Frederik Norenna, Joey MacDonald:
G, New Jersey, Columbus, New York Islanders
No. You know why. Weekes will not replace lost production from Brodeur, and you need at least a few games to see what he'll be able to do on this depleted Devils team. Norenna has shown that he is shaky at best right now. Wait for Leclaire. McDonald's numbers are deceptively good. Don't believe them. That Islanders team is atrocious.
Mathieu Garon:
G, Edmonton
Maybe just bench him until the Oil make their way back home. The only way the Oilers seem to be able to win right now is by scoring five goals. Take a hands off approach on this one.
Niklas Hagman:
LW, Toronto
I don't buy it. Toronto had some wild ones this past week and Hagman came out of it with 5 points while recording a stunning +7 over that same period. Wilson is a good coach and Hagman isn't a bad player, I just don't think he's a near point a game player. For the record I've been very very impressed with what Wilson has done with this Maple Leafs squad. I don't know if they are a playoff team but they are a heck of a lot of fun to watch. They better be careful though or they are going to play themselves right out of the Tavares Sweepsteaks.
That's all for now. Expect my report from Rangers v Lightning when I get back tonight as well as news and notes on a busy night in the national hockey league that sees 22 of the 30 teams in action. If I wasn't going to the Rangers game I'd be firing up Edmonton v Pittsburgh on my center ice package with Phoenix at Vancouver being the late game du jour.
Let's get to the meat of it shall we...
Keep 'em:
Ryan Clowe
LW, San Jose
I figured I put him in the lead in so I might as well end the suspense right away. Unlike Setoguchi, who incidentally still gets my strongest recommendation, Clowe sees powerplay time with this squad. Clowe is tied for fourth on the team in points, behind only the resurgent Patrick Marleau, the spectacular Joe Thornton, and the aforementioned Devin Setoguchi, is third in PIM, and leads the team with 4 powerplay goals. What's not to like?
Chirs Kunitz
LW, Anaheim
He shouldn't be available in your league, but some people had goalie problems early and needed space on their rosters and were really lucky to pick him back up before he tallied 5 assists this last week. Yes I'm talking about myself and no I don't know why you should listen to anything I say beyond that last sentence.
Cam Barker
D, Chicago
We're having a bit of a west coast tip here but this blog is so east-centric that I'm feeling unapologetic right now. Barker has responded to his call up strongly. In 4 games Barker has 2 goals and an assist and 4 PIM. Both goals came on the man advantage. There is some speculation, has been since the preseason, that the Blackhawks are trying to move Barker. So long as that is the case and he's producing expect the Hawks to use him in showcase situations like the point on the man advantage.
Weigh 'Em:
Kris Versteeg:
RW, Chicago
Versteeg put up another two assists this week and is starting to look like a real challenger for the Calder this year. About a week ago Craig Kanelley alerted me to a piece he did on Versteeg over on Hawkey Central. Its a really interesting piece for anyone who would like to know more about the young man that has seemingly come out of nowhere to lead all rookies in scoring through November. Check it out here:
http://hawkeycentral.windycitizen.com/2008/10/29/from-lethbridge-to-chi-town
Jakub Voracek:
RW, Columbus
Notice the large number of wingers this week? You should all be pretty well set on your centers by now, but good wingers can be tough to find. For that you've got to look to surprising sources like overproducing veterans, breakout stars and yes... rookies. Voracek here came on strong in the last week and now has 10 points through 13 games.
Ray Whitney:
LW, Carolina
Oh good... I was starting to get worried that there were no Eastern Conference guys on this list. Whitney had 6 points, 3 goals and 3 assists, in the last week with four of those points coming on the man advantage. The only thing that keeps Wizard from being in the "Keep 'em" section is the fact he was also an atrocious -4 over that same span. You might want to give Tuomo Ruutu a look as well as he also has 6 points over the last week but is a +4. The knock on Ruutu is his lack of powerplay time and shots on goal(3).
Toss 'Em Back:
Kevin Weekes, Frederik Norenna, Joey MacDonald:
G, New Jersey, Columbus, New York Islanders
No. You know why. Weekes will not replace lost production from Brodeur, and you need at least a few games to see what he'll be able to do on this depleted Devils team. Norenna has shown that he is shaky at best right now. Wait for Leclaire. McDonald's numbers are deceptively good. Don't believe them. That Islanders team is atrocious.
Mathieu Garon:
G, Edmonton
Maybe just bench him until the Oil make their way back home. The only way the Oilers seem to be able to win right now is by scoring five goals. Take a hands off approach on this one.
Niklas Hagman:
LW, Toronto
I don't buy it. Toronto had some wild ones this past week and Hagman came out of it with 5 points while recording a stunning +7 over that same period. Wilson is a good coach and Hagman isn't a bad player, I just don't think he's a near point a game player. For the record I've been very very impressed with what Wilson has done with this Maple Leafs squad. I don't know if they are a playoff team but they are a heck of a lot of fun to watch. They better be careful though or they are going to play themselves right out of the Tavares Sweepsteaks.
That's all for now. Expect my report from Rangers v Lightning when I get back tonight as well as news and notes on a busy night in the national hockey league that sees 22 of the 30 teams in action. If I wasn't going to the Rangers game I'd be firing up Edmonton v Pittsburgh on my center ice package with Phoenix at Vancouver being the late game du jour.
BTT Injury Update: Marty Brodeur! Oh Noes!
Back to business as usual here:
-Martin Brodeur, originally believed to have an elbow bruise, announced earlier this week that he will miss the next 3-4 months due to surgery on the bicep of his catching arm. I'm glad that the Devils didn't beat around the bush with this injury *cough* Islanders *cough* and let their fans know that they would be missing Marty for a long time.
The Devils actually have one of the better backup situations in the NHL that isn't a traditional platoon. Obviously I would prefer to have say Josh Harding, Nikolai Khabibulin... maybe Conklin... and a few others but I still prefer Weekes to Auld/ Gerber and Budaj/ Raycroft.
Fantasy wise what does this mean? Well Kevin Weekes got his first win last night but his play was far from what you might call inspired and it was against the Lightning. Its going to take Weekes a while to shake off the rust but he has been a decent starter for both Carolina and the Rangers in the past. He's been run out of every city he's ever played in but he might be a fine stop gap. Where this hurts the Devils the most is someplace you might not expect... offense.
Weekes is not Brodeur in many ways, but perhaps most noticeably in his ability to handle the puck. Without Marty to make the breakout pass the powerplay is going to suffer immeasurably. The Devils are a troubled team right now. I wouldn't rush to pick up any Devils that might be on waivers (Elias and Parise excluded but Weekes and Paul Martin included) until we see how this is going to work.
- As reported earlier Rick Dipietro is... all messed up. Basically if there is a problem you can have from mid-thigh down Rick has it... oh yea... and his hip... and that concussion... This time its his left knee. 4-6 weeks for Ricky. My usual advice on Islanders goaltending, (as a reminder: not unless you are in a 30 team league that starts 3 goalies) applies. McDonald's win against the Rangers the other night is deceptive as the Rangers rarely were able to generate any consistent or dangerous pressure. There were a lot of shots but the majority came from the perimeter, artificially inflating his Sv %.
- Blue Jackets Goalie Pascal Leclaire is still out with an ankle injury and so Steve Mason got his first start of the season last night. It was a mixed bag in that he got the win but at no point felt like anything less then a liability in net. Mason still needs some seasoning in the AHL but the talent is definitely there. Despite my earlier advice on Norrenna I think you want to avoid Columbus goaltending altogether until Leclaire's return.
- Sergei Zubov who was supposed to be back somewhere around October 19, after offseason hip surgery has yet to make his return to the Dallas Stars. Zubov's absence is affecting the entire team starting with Phillippe Boucher and ending at Marty Turco. With the kind of struggles that Dallas is going through presently you have to believe that if Zubov could play he would. That makes me a little nervous if I'm a Zubov owner or a Stars fan.
That's it for injury updates this week, Ice Fishing coming at you shortly.
-Martin Brodeur, originally believed to have an elbow bruise, announced earlier this week that he will miss the next 3-4 months due to surgery on the bicep of his catching arm. I'm glad that the Devils didn't beat around the bush with this injury *cough* Islanders *cough* and let their fans know that they would be missing Marty for a long time.
The Devils actually have one of the better backup situations in the NHL that isn't a traditional platoon. Obviously I would prefer to have say Josh Harding, Nikolai Khabibulin... maybe Conklin... and a few others but I still prefer Weekes to Auld/ Gerber and Budaj/ Raycroft.
Fantasy wise what does this mean? Well Kevin Weekes got his first win last night but his play was far from what you might call inspired and it was against the Lightning. Its going to take Weekes a while to shake off the rust but he has been a decent starter for both Carolina and the Rangers in the past. He's been run out of every city he's ever played in but he might be a fine stop gap. Where this hurts the Devils the most is someplace you might not expect... offense.
Weekes is not Brodeur in many ways, but perhaps most noticeably in his ability to handle the puck. Without Marty to make the breakout pass the powerplay is going to suffer immeasurably. The Devils are a troubled team right now. I wouldn't rush to pick up any Devils that might be on waivers (Elias and Parise excluded but Weekes and Paul Martin included) until we see how this is going to work.
- As reported earlier Rick Dipietro is... all messed up. Basically if there is a problem you can have from mid-thigh down Rick has it... oh yea... and his hip... and that concussion... This time its his left knee. 4-6 weeks for Ricky. My usual advice on Islanders goaltending, (as a reminder: not unless you are in a 30 team league that starts 3 goalies) applies. McDonald's win against the Rangers the other night is deceptive as the Rangers rarely were able to generate any consistent or dangerous pressure. There were a lot of shots but the majority came from the perimeter, artificially inflating his Sv %.
- Blue Jackets Goalie Pascal Leclaire is still out with an ankle injury and so Steve Mason got his first start of the season last night. It was a mixed bag in that he got the win but at no point felt like anything less then a liability in net. Mason still needs some seasoning in the AHL but the talent is definitely there. Despite my earlier advice on Norrenna I think you want to avoid Columbus goaltending altogether until Leclaire's return.
- Sergei Zubov who was supposed to be back somewhere around October 19, after offseason hip surgery has yet to make his return to the Dallas Stars. Zubov's absence is affecting the entire team starting with Phillippe Boucher and ending at Marty Turco. With the kind of struggles that Dallas is going through presently you have to believe that if Zubov could play he would. That makes me a little nervous if I'm a Zubov owner or a Stars fan.
That's it for injury updates this week, Ice Fishing coming at you shortly.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
5 Minute Major: WTF Mascots
Editor's Note: He hates when I do this but I couldn't let this week's column go by without commentary. So let me channel Rod Serling here and give this column the kind of intro it deserves...
This week's column is unique and calls for a different kind of introduction. What you are about to read is the tortured rants of a man who comes up with an idea for an article and follows through on it despite the great damage is causes to his psyche along the way. As you read on you will discover why this column was very nearly the last thing that Nick ever wrote.
He's called it the 5 minute Major... but as the Editor and therefore referee of this minor league hockey blog, and since I never asked him to write this, I'm giving it the extra two minutes for the instigator penalty and assessing a mandatory game misconduct. Strap in, this is a special... special column. Take it away Nick...
I’m sorry for this. I really truly am.
It is with absolute zero pleasure that I must assess my very first 5 minute major to NHL mascots due the fact that most of them seem to have been designed by the citizens of Guam. It has to be Guam! They have no hockey there! What other excuse could there be for choosing a pig as your representative when the name of your team is the Hurricanes? Only a citizen of Guam could think that a pig represents a hurricane.
The following is a list of every mascot in the league in order from bad to worse to what the hell is that thing?(Montreal) So put on your laughing hat and go grab a beer. I had to use an excel spreadsheet for this. It’s gonna be a long one.
Before I get started I want to clarify my ratings system. The 2 categories are Coolness and WTF Factor. Both categories are rated on a scale of 1 to 5. The actual score is the Coolness score minus the WTF score. I’m doing it this way to ensure that some teams receive the negative score they deserve.
One last thing before we do this: make sure you have this link pulled up in a separate tab while you read this post. You need to see some of these things for yourself as you go down the list.
http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q124/cdnuniguy/Mascots/mascots.jpg
Wildwing representing the Anaheim Ducks
Coolness: 5
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f272/Kelly_K5/WildWing.jpg
Perfect score. Wildwing is both badass looking and 100% accurate in representing his team. He looks mean as opposed to happy and cuddly, which is a good thing. He’s almost too good and putting him on this list weakens my argument that all mascots are stupid. But I haven’t gotten anywhere near Pittsburgh yet so just be patient.
FACT: The Ducks have a statue of Wildwing outside the Honda Center making him the only mascot in the NHL to be immortalized in a statue. If I could deduct points for this, I would.
Thrash representing The Atlanta Thrashers
Coolness: 5
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://www.enchanter.net/florida/day13/thrash2.jpg
Another perfect score. He looks like the perfect pest which is what a mascot should be. He looks totally pissed, and represents the team perfectly. The Thrashers logo looks like some kind of… pissed off… hockey bird… with a stick… thing. Turn that into a mascot and you get Thrash. I can’t question the accuracy unless I find out that a thrasher is really a sea urchin or something. Then change the WTF Factor score to a 5 making the final score an even 0. As it stands now, it’s a perfect 5. Just a quick note: This is it for the perfect 5’s. It’s all downhill from here.
FACT: The Thrasher is the state bird of Georgia so we can forget all that “Sea urchin” talk.
FACT: It would help if I looked up the FACTS before writing about the mascot.
Coolness: 4
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://www.firewagonhockey.com/Portals/2/YellowJackets%20Images/BuzzandTommyHawk.jpg
For the record, Tommyhawk is the kind of name that would have given Gnash a perfect score. Tommyhawk is a clever, literal adaptation of the teams name. Lets face it, we live in different times and a big, fuzzy native American skating around the ice is guaranteed to get at least one person fired. Tommy perfectly sidesteps confusion and legal issues by being a black hawk instead of a Blackhawk. He’s a bird and not a stereotype. As for looks, we do have a really cool looking hawk here, but he looks a little too happy and when I look at him next to Wildwing or Thrash… I’m sorry, but the bar for bird mascots has been set too high. There is no shame in a score of +4. None at all.
FACT: Tommyhawk has 4 feathers on his head, further representing his team’s classic logo.
Blades the Bruin representing The Boston Bruins.
Coolness: 4
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://cdn.nhl.com/bruins/images/upload/2007/05/blades_wchild.jpg
Blades. That is a perfect name for a hockey mascot. The WTF Factor score is a solid, solid zero. I have no cause for complaint as far as accuracy or anything else that might make me wonder what someone might have been smoking or drinking when they thought up a particular aspect of this mascot. Blades loses one point for being just a little too generic. A Bruin is a bear. The mascot is a bear. Plain and simple. There’s just nothing really special about him. He does look a little angry which I like. But he’s not ferocious. Certainly not intimidating. He looks like he had a bad day, but he’ll calm down by the time he gets home. I prefer a bear mascot that hits his wife and cubs when he gets home from work. Maybe if he had a fuzzy, bloody human arm handing out of his mouth…
FACT: No one uses the word “bruin” anymore when referring to a bear. If someone said to me “I saw a bruin digging through my garbage this morning,” I would assume Blake Wheeler needed a raise.
The NJ Devil representing The New Jersey Devils
Coolness: 4
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://www.npl.org/Media/Kids/hockey/RS+mascots_sm.jpg
The zero for WTF factor is obvious. The team is called the Devils, their mascot is a Devil. Simple and doesn’t need elaboration. As for coolness, I’m following the same concept as I did with Tommyhawk and Blades. He looks cool but he’s a little too happy. He’s basically every cartoon devil you’ve ever seen. I could have given him a 5 but those that did receive 5’s have set the coolness bar too high. I’ll say it again; there is no shame in a +4. He’s also a total jerk to the opposing team (and their fans) at games. I was personally at a game once where the NJ Devil coaxed a fan out of his Rangers jersey. The Devil took the jersey, spread it out on the ice, lined it up, and let the Zamboni drive right over it. The look on the guy’s face can only be described as “WTF Factor: 5.” That is what a mascot should do. Insult fans wearing the jersey of another team and if he has to break the Zamboni in the process, so be it.
FACT: The Devil is a very hands-on mascot. He frequently runs through the halls high-fiving fans and also drives an atv around the ice between periods. He dabbles in the destruction of private property.
Bailey representing the Los Angeles Kings
Coolness: 5
WTF Factor: 1
Mugshot: http://x93.xanga.com/d34d9664c1d31148304930/z110209592.jpg
The first mascot on the list to have his score affected by the WTF factor. Bailey looks so incredibly badass it’s almost not fair. He’s cool looking and downright ferocious. Here’s why he loses a point: The team is called the Kings. Bailey is a lion. I get it. I do. A lion is king of the jungle. Even though lions don’t live in jungles. I understand. But the Kings mascot should be a real king. A big fuzzy monarch. An obnoxious one. Like the burger king but worse. It’s only a WTF score of 1 so don’t get all upset. Like I said there is no shame in a score of +4.
FACT: The Kings first mascot was a snow leopard. I’m not making that up. I’d comment more on it but that’s another list of mascots for another time.
Howler representing the Phoenix Coyotes
Coolness: 4
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://cdn.nhl.com/coyotes/images/upload/2008/08/DSCN0436.JPG
Howler is a really cool looking mascot. He’s 100% accurate, he’s got some fangs… but he’s just a little too happy. Happy enough to lose one point off of coolness. His WTF factor is an easy zero. He looks a little too much like he should be chasing opposing players around with Acme rocket skates, though. Right before he gets checked into the boards, he holds up a little sign that says “Ouch.” I’m going to take this opportunity to make sure you clicked the link I posted back in the intro. It will really start to come in handy soon. Trust me, you want it open in a 2nd tab so you can switch back to it for reference as you go.
Stanley C. Panther representing the Florida Panthers
Coolness: 3
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1222/1138631927_bd3dd9c0b9.jpg?v=0
Stanley’s cool, I have no real problems with him. But panthers are fierce creatures that hunt and kill their prey without mercy. Stanley must do this a lot before moonlighting as Panthers mascot because he looks very sleepy. Or stoned. Maybe he smokes a big fuzzy mascot blunt before each game. I really don’t know. Look, any time you incorporate eyelids onto a mascot, it’s going to look sleepy. It’s the fault of the designer, not Stanley. He loses points for his lack of fierceness and for his name because he is the only “Stanley C.” the Panthers will see in their building any time soon.
FACT: Stanley C. Panther is named for the Lester B. Pearson award, given to the NHL's outstanding player as selected by the members of the NHLPA.
Slapshot representing the Washington Ovechkins.
Coolness: 3
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://www.missva.com/2006/adrianna/images/feb04/capitaleagle.jpg
Slapshot has a +3 because he just doesn’t really impress me. Now I know what you’re thinking. You’ve looked at the picture of all the mascots, you see Slapshot sitting there on the stairs and you’re thinking “I think Slapshot deserves more than a 3. He’s a solid 4. No he’s not. Look at the other birds. Look at Thrash. Look at Wildwing. Now look at Slapshot. The other birds just set the bar too high. And if you’re concerned about Slapshot getting a 3, you’ll soon realize that a 3 is as good as a 5 once we start getting down to the 1’s, 0’s, and negatives.
Louie representing the St. Louis Blues
Coolness: 2
WTF Factor: 1
Mugshot: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2121/1733173642_8734418ca7.jpg?v=0
The blues are getting off kind of easy here. What do you want, a big, fuzzy musical note with eyes skating around? A big, fuzzy saxophone? Really? So the Blues kind of have the luxury of choosing any animal they want and just making it blue. And that’s exactly what they did. Louie is a blue bear wearing a little hat. I’ll be perfectly honest with you, this mascot should annoy me. It really should, but it doesn’t. I really can picture this thing playing a guitar or a saxophone or something. No kidding, he looks like a blues musician. Louie is pretty convincing in that regard, and looking at him doesn’t cause instant physical illness like some other mascots. I don’t have much of an opinion here; it’s a blue bear. He’s not that cool which is why he scores a 2 in coolness. But he loses one point from the WTF factor because he’s a bear and that has nothing to do with the St. Louis Blues. No matter what the Blues choose as their mascot, they’ll still get at least a 1 in WTF Factor. The name of the team is not conducive to having a mascot.
Sabretooth representing the Buffalo Sabres
Coolness: 4
WTF Factor: 3
Mugshot: http://www.sportable.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/sabretooth.jpg
He looks really cool, but sleepy and cartoony when compared with Gnash. My real problem with Sabretooth isn’t even his fault. He’s just an extinct cat that applied for a job and got hired. He’s alright. My problem is with the ongoing identity crisis the Sabres have had over the last 10 years. Let me break this down for you. The name of Buffalo’s team is the Sabres. A sabre, is a single edged sword with a curved blade. The team’s logo incorporated both the name of the city and the name of the team for years as it was a buffalo over two crossing sabres. But then they changed it to just a buffalo head. Then they changed it again to a mutant buffalo/slug thing, which is what it is today. Now… tell me… wtf… does a saber-toothed tiger have to do with the Buffalo Sabres? Yes, stop, I get it. SABRE-toothed tiger. STOP IT! It would be like if the Rangers made their mascot a pickup truck or if the Capitals made their mascot a giant, fuzzy uppercase letter. It’s a play on the word to get them a cooler mascot then they would have had and I’m not buying it. Buffalo teams have always been way more about the city than the team anyway. Even the Bills have a buffalo as their logo. Just do what you’ve wanted to do forever: Call both teams the Buffalo Buffalos and make the mascot a buffalo. It’s what you want. It’s what you really want.
S.J. Sharkie representing the San Jose Sharks
Coolness: 1
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibMRGPnyDr5mV-od4i9HLhSorJSyjR9Ux4he3ca8lns9th68_X3_gR2HC8TjEuFnIMkHcvbl6dS7lCPI1YjRYyog54nxbihju28X38BGW8LgNWHWDxeFdEVDfZi5YzWuJGzct8E-mfkrU/s1600-h/800px-SJ_Sharkie.jpg
Who put the hockey skates on that T-Rex? And why? If you’re going to make a mascot based on an animal, it should maybe look like that animal. Sharkie’s head doesn’t resemble a shark at all; it looks like some kind of a down syndrome velociraptor. He gets points for accuracy because (technically) he is a shark… with legs… and fingers. Looks like Darwin was right because this is evolution at its finest. Sharkie must have used affirmative action to get his job. There had to have been other sharks (that breathe air, have arms, legs, hands, and no gills) that were just as qualified for the job of team mascot. But hire a shark with a mental handicap and it’s a P.R. dream come true.
OPINION: Pretty sure that’s just a guy in a suit cause sharks don’t have legs.
Stinger representing the Columbus Blue Jackets
Coolness: 3
WTF Factor: 3
Mugshot: http://www.sports-mascots.co.uk/COLUMBUSBLUEJACKETSSTINGER.jpg
This is really getting frustrating. I blame myself. Rich didn’t make me do this. He didn’t even ask me to do this. I consider my score of an even zero to be generous. Stinger is a yellow jacket. You know, those annoying little hornets that don’t pollinate, offer no benefit to the world and can sting repeatedly? Yeah, that’s what Stinger is. But he’s blue so he’s technically not a yellow jacket. Stinger is a… wait for it… Blue Jacket. Just like the team which has blue colored hornets all over their uniforms… … … … They don’t. I made that up. I wish I didn’t. The name Blue Jackets refers to the uniforms worm by the Continental Army during the Revolutionary War. Not a bug. So how… how did they come to that decision? Seriously, how? I almost demand to know. How cool would a mascot-representation of a revolutionary war soldier be? Infinitely cool! Give him a prop rifle that he can fire off when the team scores! But a blue hornet as your mascot?! Do you know what the name of the team is?! It’s the Blue Jackets! Not the Blue Jackets! What did you do, call Buffalo and ask for mascot suggestions?!
Iceburgh representing the Pittsburgh Penguins
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/096XgAJddqbQk/340x.jpg
This was a tough one for me. I like his name, it was already appropriate before incorporating the name of the city into it. He’s a penguin… just like the team. Can’t really knock anything there. He’s 100% accurate hence the zero WTF score. But terribly uncool hence zero coolness points. I’ll just say it: This is the mascot that the other mascots pick on. He should have a “kick me” sign on his back at all times. Look at his face! It’s like he’s constantly saying “Duhhh… hyurka hyurka hyurk… I’m a skatin’ I sure am…” At any given moment, Iceburgh looks like he has no idea where he is. Maybe he thinks he’s at a carnival, I don’t know. His eyes almost look like they’re going in two different directions. What can I say, he’s a big, cute, fuzzy penguin and there are far worse on this list than he.
FACT: The original Penguins mascot was a real Penguin. It’s habitat was kept too warm and it died, thus ending the use of real animals as NHL mascots.
Nordy representing The Minnesota Wild
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 1
Mugshot: ???????
At this point I have yet to see a picture of the actual Nordy. He’s brand new for the 2008/2009 season. The cartoon picture I did see would strike fear into the heart of… no one. It’s really the most timid looking rendition of a mascot I’ve ever seen. It’s downright happy to be there with a smile that rivals that of dumb Carlton the Bear. What were they thinking? You’ve got your mascot right there in the team name! The Wild! Why is it a teddy bear with a mullet in a hockey uniform? Nordy represents the team’s logo perfectly so I can’t complain too much on accuracy. But there are some cases where it’s ok to take a name and run with it, and some cases where it is not (Columbus). This would have been a great opportunity to have a truly Wild mascot. Nordy should have an evil grin and a leather jacket with spikes and a Mohawk. He’s WILD!!!!! I know, the name Wild refers to the wilderness, but as I said, this is a case where it’s ok to take a name and interpret it a little differently to make a cooler mascot. Nordy passes, but he could have been so much cooler.
Fin The Whale representing The Vancouver Canucks
Coolness: 1
WTF Factor: 2
Mugshot: http://audrasphotography.files.wordpress.com/2006/08/00860024_resize.jpeg
This is one that I fail to understand on so many levels. I don’t know where to start… How about with the fact that he’s a whale? I understand a killer whale is part of the Canuck’s logo but… why? There already was a team called the Whalers. They moved. It was sad. Let me define the word “Canuck” for you. Canuck is a word used by Canadian residents to define their nationality. A Canuck is a Canadian. Canadians… killer whales… Look, I have a very vivid imagination. Look at my fantasy picks 2 weeks ago if you need proof. I chose a line consisting of 3 inanimate objects and hotdog vendor backed by a garbage can in net. My imagination works just fine. But even my imagination cannot make a connection between the people of Canada and orcas. I know, I know… killer whales swim up north and can be found in the waters off the west coast of Canada, yes, I get it. But what’s the first animal that comes to mind when you think of Canada? Probably the moose, but that doesn’t matter cause it’s not a whale! It’s not a whale.
Fin also loses points due to the extreme case of retardation he seems to have. Mascots aren’t supposed to have cerebral palsy. A toothy grin and mouthful of tongue isn’t enough to make this puddinhead the worst mascot though.
FACT: Another fish with legs… pretty sure it’s just a guy in a suit again. I’ll get back to you.
FACT: Whales are mammals. It just sounded funny. Let it go.
Al The Octopus representing the Detroit Redwings
Coolness: 3
WTF Factor: 5
Mughsot: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/84/Al_the_Octopus.jpg/800px-Al_the_Octopus.jpg
Al? Now I have to write about a mascot named Al? The very fabric of my sanity is beginning to come apart. I want you to realize this and hopefully appreciate it. We all know about Dertoit and their strange octopus fetish. Especially during the playoffs. That being said, this mascot can only be seen during the playoffs. I debated whether to put him on this list for that reason along with the fact that he is not a costume. Al is just a big, pissed off octopus that gets lowered from the rafters. I’ll admit, he ain’t bad looking. In fact he looks mighty pissed off. His coolness rating is quite solid with a 3. The WTF factor is an easy 5. It should be like, a 20. I know the octopus is part of Red Wings tradition but it still doesn’t make an octopus have any relevance to the team name or logo. EVEN if they dress him in an 8 sleeved jersey… which they did.
Could you imagine if a team like the Islanders had a mascot that was only seen during the playoffs? No one would even know they have a mascot. Only a team like Detroit could get away with a playoffs-only mascot.
Sparky The Dragon representing the New York Islanders
Coolness: 3
WTF Factor: 5
Mugshot: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2330/2273059789_3512a12035.jpg?v=0
What Sparky gains in cool looks, he loses two-fold in having nothing to do with the name of his team. Now I know with a name like the Islanders, there really isn’t much you can do in the way of a mascot. But that doesn’t mean pick whatever the hell you want and slap a jersey on it. It means don’t have a mascot! At least make the thing hockey related! A dragon? Wtf… Dragons are fierce, violent, intimidating, fire breathing, ruthless, creatures that do not exist. The Islanders do not share one single characteristic with dragons. If they had chosen a dung beetle as their mascot, I could at least say the two share the characteristic of existence. But we don’t even get that. Why not a big fuzzy ship captain? Make him look all salty and angry. If done right, it would look cool. But no, we get Sparky. Curious as to why the hell the Islanders would choose a dragon as their mascot, I decided to look into it and find an answer. The Islanders owner also owns an arena football team called the Dragons. He liked Sparky so much that he made him the mascot for both of his teams. Same dragon, different teams. What I gather from that is the following:
FACT: The Islanders owner likes his arena football team more than his NHL team. So do I.
Carlton The Bear representing the Toronto Maple Leafs
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 4
Mugshot: http://www.tmlfever.com/files/carlton_standing_2.gif
*Sigh* Don’t Toronto fans have enough to be upset about with this team? And they have to deal with this? Granted, I did draft Carlton for my fantasy team, but that doesn’t make him a good mascot. This is another one that begs the question… WHY? I know that a big maple leaf skating around would look silly, but really, would it be much sillier than Carlton? No. No it most certainly would not. I just don’t understand the trend of making your team mascot whatever the hell you want. Why an overweight polar bear? Why? Why not an in-shape polar bear? Why any polar bear?! Why not a beaver, moose, yak, Patrick Duffy or unicorn? How awesome would a tarantula be? So awesome! Give him 8 hockey sticks! No, we get a dumb bear with a passion for donuts. Ever see a real polar bear? They are ferocious creatures, the way they annihilate seals and penguins and stuff. Look at the group photo. Look at Carlton. Now look at Blades. See my point? I’m not scared of Carlton. I want to sit on his lap and tell him what I want for Christmas and then piss my pants on his leg. On how many levels must Toronto fail simultaneously? And there’s talk of an expansion team! A 2nd Toronto franchise. What would their mascot be? A (expletive deleted)ing giraffe? Why did I decide to write this list? It’s seriously damaging my sanity.
FACT: If I make it to the end of this, I am hoping for at the very least, some quiet applause. Fireworks would be lovely, but quiet applause is enough.
Thunderbug representing the Tampa Bay Lightening
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 4
Mugshot: http://nhl.speedera.net/intheslot/read/mascots/images/thunderbug226x338.jpg
Tampa fans: Your team is mocking you. They are. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this. But my team doesn’t have a mascot, nor will they ever. Please, if the Rangers tried to have a mascot, New York fans would rip its head off and beat the crap out of the guy in the suit. That’s right, kids. Cry for me. Mascots are all just guys in suits! (Except for Al.)
Thunderbug is a… is a… is a bee I think. Yeah. He’s a bee. That’s right; Thunderbug is a bee representing his favorite team, the Tampa Bay Lightening. It’s like… what joke can I come up with here that would be funnier than the truth? Just look at the thing. It’s not even cool! If the team were called the Bees, this mascot would still suck! Real bees don’t want to be represented by this thing. Bees are a terrible animal to name a sports team after. You’re talking about an animal that’s good for one year and then it dies, what the hell kind of… Ohhhh so THAT’S why a bee is their mascot. Never mind, and 5 points for accuracy.
Spartacat representing the Ottawa Senators
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 4
Mugshot: http://nhl.speedera.net/intheslot/read/mascots/images/spartacat226x378.jpg
Spinning the wheel of random animal mascots and landing on “handicapable lion” is Spartacat; Mascot of the Ottawa Senators. What ancient Sparta and Ottawa have to do with each other, I will never know and don’t care to research. What a lion has to do with either, I will also never know. Did the Spartans feed people to lions? Maybe. Even if they did, what does this have to do with anything Canadian? Why do mascots have to be animals? A physical representation of the Senators logo would have been fine! It would have been more than fine; it would have been downright awesome! Give him a big, fuzzy sword to harass opposing players and fans with. It would be great! And it could be made to look cool. But no, we get a lion thing that looks like it should be collecting shopping carts in the parking lot at the supermarket. Further affecting his coolness score is the look on his face. He looks ferocious but happy? Like he doesn’t know whether to gleefully shake your hand or bite it off.
Stormy the Pig Representing the Carolina Hurricanes
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 5
Mugshot: http://digitalheadbutt.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/carolinahurricanes_stormy.jpg
So… the name of your team is the Hurricanes. Cool! Yes! Hurricanes are violent! YEAH! They destroy things! AWESOME! They’re rather horrifying! SURE ARE! Almost nothing can stand up to the might of a hurricane! NO CHANCE! Hurricanes are best represented by a pig! YEA… wait, what? Alright… this is really just a formality… but lets look at the score here. The coolness factor is a zero. Just look at Stormy. Tell me it’s not a zero. He doesn’t even look cool. If you’re going to make a pig your mascot, make it look fierce. A wild boar with huge teeth. But apparently making your mascot cool is a thing of the… never was. As for the WTF Factor, we have an easy 5. Look at the name of the team. Now look at Stormy. WTF. 5.
FACT: Stormy is a pig because of the abundance of pig farms in the Carolinas.
FACT: Stormy wears a number 97 jersey representing 1997; the year America’s beloved Hartford Whalers moved to North Carolina and shattered the dreams of every child, puppy, and unicorn in the entire world.
That’s great. Wear 97 to remind us all of the team we lost. Sure, they were terrible. But no team has ever deserved the label “Loveable losers” more than the Hartford Whalers. I can confidently say that the entire population of the entire world wants the Hartford Whalers back. Instead we all have to endure a pig wearing 97 to remind us of what we lost and of crying children, puppies, and unicorns. Do you hate Stormy yet? Good. Hold onto that hate cause we still have a few more to go and I swear you’re going to need it.
Youppi representing the Montreal Canadiens
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 5
Mugshot: http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q124/cdnuniguy/Mascots/youppihabs.jpg
Alright! I’ve (expletive deleted)ing had it! Who designed this (expletive deleted)ing piece of (expletive deleted)?! What the (expletive deleted) is it? Some kind of (expletive deleted)ing fur monster?! It can’t be a (expletive deleted)ing man, look how (expletive deleted)ing furry it is! So then what the (expletive deleted) is it? Youppi is (expletive deleted)ing French for “Yippee,” or “ Hooray.” Anyone cheering for this piece of (expletive deleted) is seriously (expletive deleted)ed in the head. Or Canadian. Looking at this (expletive deleted)ing thing makes me flash white with rage and want to cause harm to the nearest living creature. Seriously, (expletive deleted)ing answer me, what is this piece of (expletive deleted)?! It looks like a man with a beard but it’s completely covered with (expletive deleted)ing orange fur! If you needed a reason to hate Canada, this is a perfectly good one. If I saw this thing, I’d (expletive deleted)ing choke it.
FACT: (expletive deleted)!!!!!!
Harvey the Hound
Coolness: -2467
WTF Factor: 462,827.5
Mugshot: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2060/2087730371_48d513017e.jpg?v=0
Evidence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWr9yECJfww
I have gone to great lengths to come to some kind of understanding regarding Harvey the Hound. I have failed. It’s taken me so long to get to this point; 3 weeks. And now that I’m here, I just want to kill myself. That’s right. I want to kill myself over a retarded dog in red shorts. Harvey’s image inspires pure self-loathing. It does. It makes me hate myself. Harvey the hound is the worst mascot in the history of all mascots. After all I’ve just put myself through, I really don’t need this. Not Harvey. Not now. Not ever.
Harvey fails on levels I not only didn’t know existed, but levels I didn’t know could be failed upon. He’s by far the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. Let’s forget about mascots altogether for one second. Yes, this is the dumbest individual thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
FACT: Harvey the Hound was the very first NHL mascot, introduced in 1983.
Flames… you had a clean slate and this was the best you could come up with? You could have done anything you wanted! “LOL, let’s make him stupid.” Who approved this? Harvey is worse than Youppi. Worse by a mile. I would say that he makes other Mascots look good but I refuse to offer any kind of positive argument regarding Harvey the Hound. And nothing could make Youppi look better, not even Harvey.
To make matters worse, Harvey is also a complete jerk. He behaves far worse than any other mascot in the NHL, including the Jersey Devil. That’s right! Harvey the Hound: Worse than The Devil. I’m going to go on record right now and just come out and say it. I mean why dance around the issue any longer? I hate Harvey the Hound. That’s right. Hate. When I first saw his picture, I’ll admit; I laughed. I laughed a lot. I laughed until my sides hurt. But after a while, it just wasn’t funny anymore. Maybe the joke wore off. Maybe it was the slow and painful departure of my very soul. Either way, what once inspired laughter now inspires rage. And when I see that stupid tongue, it makes me feel sad. Sad as if there’s less happiness in the world with no hope of restoring it.
FACT: Harvey was so successful after his debut that other teams contacted his creator, Glenn Street, to design mascots for them.
FACT: Harvey is consistently voted “Most Popular Mascot” by the fans.
Are we talking about the same mascot here? We can’t be! This mascot sucks so bad it causes mental anguish. How could anyone see this thing and think “I need my own one of those!”? How could anyone look at this thing and think “This is the best mascot I’ve ever seen! I’m voting for Harvey!”? How… why… did the Flames make this their mascot? It has nothing to do with the team! I’m not saying we shouldn’t try this; But setting it on fire and thus incorporating flames into the costume would still not make him relevant to the name of the team. Speaking of not being relevant to the team, here’s one that will piss you right off:
FACT: Harvey is the ONLY mascot in the entire league that does not wear his team’s jersey. This also makes him the only mascot to not even have the team’s name or logo anywhere on himself. Even Al the Octopus has an 8 sleeved Redwings jersey.
It absolutely blows me away that Harvey was the first. The open door, the inspiration for future NHL mascots. How can this be? And you’d think that there would be a significant improvement among NHL mascots with Harvey as their starting point, but no. Look at Youppi. Look at Fin. It’s obvious that someone in Vancouver saw Harvey and said “Gimme that, but make it a whale.” With Harvey as a starting point, I have a right to expect that 25 years later, at least one team’s mascot would have evolved into a diamond. A real diamond worth millions of dollars. But no, there hasn’t been much evolution here. The stupidity has moved mostly laterally with only minimal forward motion.
I want to take this opportunity to thank Craig MacTavish. While coaching the Edmonton Oilers a few years back, he lost patience with Harvey who was taunting him from behind the visitors bench. MacTavish responded by ripping Harvey’s tongue off.
(Editor's Note: http://www.cbc.ca/gfx/topstory/sports/harvey_mactavish0321.jpg)
I know I should seem more excited to report this, but you must understand the following: After what I’ve just put myself through, I’m not laughing at anything. I would need a case of beer, a bottle of rum, a woman of questionable morals, and a winning lottery ticket just for my temperament to break even. Then I could muster a smile at stupid Harvey’s tongue being ripped off. I hate Harvey the hound. 12 Youppis are not worth 1 Harvey the Hound. If the name of the team was The Calgary Palsy Dogs and Harvey was the mascot, I would still hate him.
3 weeks. That’s how much of my life I’ll not get back as a result of this nonsense. I know things about NHL mascots I didn’t want to know. I know all of their names. 3 weeks ago I was pointing to different mascots in the group photo saying “LOL what the hell is that thing?” I now know that it was Spartacat. I’m sad that I know its name. I wish there was something positive we could all take away from this, but it’s not possible. Just looking at Iceburgh will lower your IQ, so don’t try. It’s not worth trying to scrape up a positive out of this. There’s nothing to be gained from the experience. I just keep slurring to myself “It’s Blue Jackets, not blue jackets!” as I take another swig out of an emptying whiskey bottle.
Good or bad, mascots don’t effect the team, so don’t be afraid if yours has one. Your team will win or lose on their own. Sparky can’t make the Islanders win (nor could a full freight container labeled: TALENT), and Thunderbug won’t lose any games for the Lightning. They don’t need the help this year anyway. Mascots don’t have to be lame, but as long as Harvey, Youppi, Carlton, and Stormy remain in service, the Mascot average is dragged down far enough that it’s ruined for the good mascots.
Final comments on the group photo:
- The NJ Devil’s body language clearly shows that he doesn’t want to sit next to Spartacat.
- Fin sitting next to Iceburgh looks like brothers separated at birth.
- Every mascot wears his team’s home jersey with Fin and Howler being the only exceptions wearing away jerseys. Harvey sucks and doesn’t wear any jersey.
- With the exception of the NJ Devil, the entire top row consists of mascots with mental disabilities.
Take away from this what you will, for better or for worse. I’ll be back next week with something that hopefully isn’t as emotionally damaging. Until then, I will wait and listen for the sound of polite applause. Or fireworks. Whatever you’ve got is fine.
This week's column is unique and calls for a different kind of introduction. What you are about to read is the tortured rants of a man who comes up with an idea for an article and follows through on it despite the great damage is causes to his psyche along the way. As you read on you will discover why this column was very nearly the last thing that Nick ever wrote.
He's called it the 5 minute Major... but as the Editor and therefore referee of this minor league hockey blog, and since I never asked him to write this, I'm giving it the extra two minutes for the instigator penalty and assessing a mandatory game misconduct. Strap in, this is a special... special column. Take it away Nick...
I’m sorry for this. I really truly am.
It is with absolute zero pleasure that I must assess my very first 5 minute major to NHL mascots due the fact that most of them seem to have been designed by the citizens of Guam. It has to be Guam! They have no hockey there! What other excuse could there be for choosing a pig as your representative when the name of your team is the Hurricanes? Only a citizen of Guam could think that a pig represents a hurricane.
The following is a list of every mascot in the league in order from bad to worse to what the hell is that thing?(Montreal) So put on your laughing hat and go grab a beer. I had to use an excel spreadsheet for this. It’s gonna be a long one.
Before I get started I want to clarify my ratings system. The 2 categories are Coolness and WTF Factor. Both categories are rated on a scale of 1 to 5. The actual score is the Coolness score minus the WTF score. I’m doing it this way to ensure that some teams receive the negative score they deserve.
One last thing before we do this: make sure you have this link pulled up in a separate tab while you read this post. You need to see some of these things for yourself as you go down the list.
http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q124/cdnuniguy/Mascots/mascots.jpg
Wildwing representing the Anaheim Ducks
Coolness: 5
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f272/Kelly_K5/WildWing.jpg
Perfect score. Wildwing is both badass looking and 100% accurate in representing his team. He looks mean as opposed to happy and cuddly, which is a good thing. He’s almost too good and putting him on this list weakens my argument that all mascots are stupid. But I haven’t gotten anywhere near Pittsburgh yet so just be patient.
FACT: The Ducks have a statue of Wildwing outside the Honda Center making him the only mascot in the NHL to be immortalized in a statue. If I could deduct points for this, I would.
Thrash representing The Atlanta Thrashers
Coolness: 5
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://www.enchanter.net/florida/day13/thrash2.jpg
Another perfect score. He looks like the perfect pest which is what a mascot should be. He looks totally pissed, and represents the team perfectly. The Thrashers logo looks like some kind of… pissed off… hockey bird… with a stick… thing. Turn that into a mascot and you get Thrash. I can’t question the accuracy unless I find out that a thrasher is really a sea urchin or something. Then change the WTF Factor score to a 5 making the final score an even 0. As it stands now, it’s a perfect 5. Just a quick note: This is it for the perfect 5’s. It’s all downhill from here.
FACT: The Thrasher is the state bird of Georgia so we can forget all that “Sea urchin” talk.
FACT: It would help if I looked up the FACTS before writing about the mascot.
Gnash representing The Nashville Predators
Coolness: 4.5
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://meltyourfaceoff.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/gnash.jpg
Gnash should have a perfect score due to looking extremely cool and perfectly representing the team’s logo. Although a predator could be anything ranging from a T-Rex to a priest. A nonspecific team name is no fault of the mascot, but Gnash sadly loses half a point due to his stupid name. In a league which also contains non threatening names such as Islanders, Canucks, Maple Leafs, Stars, and Flyers; The Predators sound intimidating. Their mascot should have a more intimidating (though still fan friendly) name. Even if he had a monosyllabic human name, I would have let it go. Dave representing The Nashville Predators would have been enough to warrant a perfect 5. But simply taking the first half of the city and adding a silent consonant at the beginning is not acceptable. It’s not a complete abomination but it is lazy and it’s good for a half point deduction.
FACT: Gnash’s trademark is his stunt work featuring high speed zip lines, rappels, and a pendulum swing that brings him within a few inches of the ice.
Coolness: 4
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://www.firewagonhockey.com/Portals/2/YellowJackets%20Images/BuzzandTommyHawk.jpg
For the record, Tommyhawk is the kind of name that would have given Gnash a perfect score. Tommyhawk is a clever, literal adaptation of the teams name. Lets face it, we live in different times and a big, fuzzy native American skating around the ice is guaranteed to get at least one person fired. Tommy perfectly sidesteps confusion and legal issues by being a black hawk instead of a Blackhawk. He’s a bird and not a stereotype. As for looks, we do have a really cool looking hawk here, but he looks a little too happy and when I look at him next to Wildwing or Thrash… I’m sorry, but the bar for bird mascots has been set too high. There is no shame in a score of +4. None at all.
FACT: Tommyhawk has 4 feathers on his head, further representing his team’s classic logo.
Blades the Bruin representing The Boston Bruins.
Coolness: 4
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://cdn.nhl.com/bruins/images/upload/2007/05/blades_wchild.jpg
Blades. That is a perfect name for a hockey mascot. The WTF Factor score is a solid, solid zero. I have no cause for complaint as far as accuracy or anything else that might make me wonder what someone might have been smoking or drinking when they thought up a particular aspect of this mascot. Blades loses one point for being just a little too generic. A Bruin is a bear. The mascot is a bear. Plain and simple. There’s just nothing really special about him. He does look a little angry which I like. But he’s not ferocious. Certainly not intimidating. He looks like he had a bad day, but he’ll calm down by the time he gets home. I prefer a bear mascot that hits his wife and cubs when he gets home from work. Maybe if he had a fuzzy, bloody human arm handing out of his mouth…
FACT: No one uses the word “bruin” anymore when referring to a bear. If someone said to me “I saw a bruin digging through my garbage this morning,” I would assume Blake Wheeler needed a raise.
The NJ Devil representing The New Jersey Devils
Coolness: 4
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://www.npl.org/Media/Kids/hockey/RS+mascots_sm.jpg
The zero for WTF factor is obvious. The team is called the Devils, their mascot is a Devil. Simple and doesn’t need elaboration. As for coolness, I’m following the same concept as I did with Tommyhawk and Blades. He looks cool but he’s a little too happy. He’s basically every cartoon devil you’ve ever seen. I could have given him a 5 but those that did receive 5’s have set the coolness bar too high. I’ll say it again; there is no shame in a +4. He’s also a total jerk to the opposing team (and their fans) at games. I was personally at a game once where the NJ Devil coaxed a fan out of his Rangers jersey. The Devil took the jersey, spread it out on the ice, lined it up, and let the Zamboni drive right over it. The look on the guy’s face can only be described as “WTF Factor: 5.” That is what a mascot should do. Insult fans wearing the jersey of another team and if he has to break the Zamboni in the process, so be it.
FACT: The Devil is a very hands-on mascot. He frequently runs through the halls high-fiving fans and also drives an atv around the ice between periods. He dabbles in the destruction of private property.
Bailey representing the Los Angeles Kings
Coolness: 5
WTF Factor: 1
Mugshot: http://x93.xanga.com/d34d9664c1d31148304930/z110209592.jpg
The first mascot on the list to have his score affected by the WTF factor. Bailey looks so incredibly badass it’s almost not fair. He’s cool looking and downright ferocious. Here’s why he loses a point: The team is called the Kings. Bailey is a lion. I get it. I do. A lion is king of the jungle. Even though lions don’t live in jungles. I understand. But the Kings mascot should be a real king. A big fuzzy monarch. An obnoxious one. Like the burger king but worse. It’s only a WTF score of 1 so don’t get all upset. Like I said there is no shame in a score of +4.
FACT: The Kings first mascot was a snow leopard. I’m not making that up. I’d comment more on it but that’s another list of mascots for another time.
Howler representing the Phoenix Coyotes
Coolness: 4
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://cdn.nhl.com/coyotes/images/upload/2008/08/DSCN0436.JPG
Howler is a really cool looking mascot. He’s 100% accurate, he’s got some fangs… but he’s just a little too happy. Happy enough to lose one point off of coolness. His WTF factor is an easy zero. He looks a little too much like he should be chasing opposing players around with Acme rocket skates, though. Right before he gets checked into the boards, he holds up a little sign that says “Ouch.” I’m going to take this opportunity to make sure you clicked the link I posted back in the intro. It will really start to come in handy soon. Trust me, you want it open in a 2nd tab so you can switch back to it for reference as you go.
Stanley C. Panther representing the Florida Panthers
Coolness: 3
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1222/1138631927_bd3dd9c0b9.jpg?v=0
Stanley’s cool, I have no real problems with him. But panthers are fierce creatures that hunt and kill their prey without mercy. Stanley must do this a lot before moonlighting as Panthers mascot because he looks very sleepy. Or stoned. Maybe he smokes a big fuzzy mascot blunt before each game. I really don’t know. Look, any time you incorporate eyelids onto a mascot, it’s going to look sleepy. It’s the fault of the designer, not Stanley. He loses points for his lack of fierceness and for his name because he is the only “Stanley C.” the Panthers will see in their building any time soon.
FACT: Stanley C. Panther is named for the Lester B. Pearson award, given to the NHL's outstanding player as selected by the members of the NHLPA.
Slapshot representing the Washington Ovechkins.
Coolness: 3
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://www.missva.com/2006/adrianna/images/feb04/capitaleagle.jpg
Slapshot has a +3 because he just doesn’t really impress me. Now I know what you’re thinking. You’ve looked at the picture of all the mascots, you see Slapshot sitting there on the stairs and you’re thinking “I think Slapshot deserves more than a 3. He’s a solid 4. No he’s not. Look at the other birds. Look at Thrash. Look at Wildwing. Now look at Slapshot. The other birds just set the bar too high. And if you’re concerned about Slapshot getting a 3, you’ll soon realize that a 3 is as good as a 5 once we start getting down to the 1’s, 0’s, and negatives.
Louie representing the St. Louis Blues
Coolness: 2
WTF Factor: 1
Mugshot: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2121/1733173642_8734418ca7.jpg?v=0
The blues are getting off kind of easy here. What do you want, a big, fuzzy musical note with eyes skating around? A big, fuzzy saxophone? Really? So the Blues kind of have the luxury of choosing any animal they want and just making it blue. And that’s exactly what they did. Louie is a blue bear wearing a little hat. I’ll be perfectly honest with you, this mascot should annoy me. It really should, but it doesn’t. I really can picture this thing playing a guitar or a saxophone or something. No kidding, he looks like a blues musician. Louie is pretty convincing in that regard, and looking at him doesn’t cause instant physical illness like some other mascots. I don’t have much of an opinion here; it’s a blue bear. He’s not that cool which is why he scores a 2 in coolness. But he loses one point from the WTF factor because he’s a bear and that has nothing to do with the St. Louis Blues. No matter what the Blues choose as their mascot, they’ll still get at least a 1 in WTF Factor. The name of the team is not conducive to having a mascot.
Sabretooth representing the Buffalo Sabres
Coolness: 4
WTF Factor: 3
Mugshot: http://www.sportable.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/sabretooth.jpg
He looks really cool, but sleepy and cartoony when compared with Gnash. My real problem with Sabretooth isn’t even his fault. He’s just an extinct cat that applied for a job and got hired. He’s alright. My problem is with the ongoing identity crisis the Sabres have had over the last 10 years. Let me break this down for you. The name of Buffalo’s team is the Sabres. A sabre, is a single edged sword with a curved blade. The team’s logo incorporated both the name of the city and the name of the team for years as it was a buffalo over two crossing sabres. But then they changed it to just a buffalo head. Then they changed it again to a mutant buffalo/slug thing, which is what it is today. Now… tell me… wtf… does a saber-toothed tiger have to do with the Buffalo Sabres? Yes, stop, I get it. SABRE-toothed tiger. STOP IT! It would be like if the Rangers made their mascot a pickup truck or if the Capitals made their mascot a giant, fuzzy uppercase letter. It’s a play on the word to get them a cooler mascot then they would have had and I’m not buying it. Buffalo teams have always been way more about the city than the team anyway. Even the Bills have a buffalo as their logo. Just do what you’ve wanted to do forever: Call both teams the Buffalo Buffalos and make the mascot a buffalo. It’s what you want. It’s what you really want.
S.J. Sharkie representing the San Jose Sharks
Coolness: 1
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibMRGPnyDr5mV-od4i9HLhSorJSyjR9Ux4he3ca8lns9th68_X3_gR2HC8TjEuFnIMkHcvbl6dS7lCPI1YjRYyog54nxbihju28X38BGW8LgNWHWDxeFdEVDfZi5YzWuJGzct8E-mfkrU/s1600-h/800px-SJ_Sharkie.jpg
Who put the hockey skates on that T-Rex? And why? If you’re going to make a mascot based on an animal, it should maybe look like that animal. Sharkie’s head doesn’t resemble a shark at all; it looks like some kind of a down syndrome velociraptor. He gets points for accuracy because (technically) he is a shark… with legs… and fingers. Looks like Darwin was right because this is evolution at its finest. Sharkie must have used affirmative action to get his job. There had to have been other sharks (that breathe air, have arms, legs, hands, and no gills) that were just as qualified for the job of team mascot. But hire a shark with a mental handicap and it’s a P.R. dream come true.
OPINION: Pretty sure that’s just a guy in a suit cause sharks don’t have legs.
Stinger representing the Columbus Blue Jackets
Coolness: 3
WTF Factor: 3
Mugshot: http://www.sports-mascots.co.uk/COLUMBUSBLUEJACKETSSTINGER.jpg
This is really getting frustrating. I blame myself. Rich didn’t make me do this. He didn’t even ask me to do this. I consider my score of an even zero to be generous. Stinger is a yellow jacket. You know, those annoying little hornets that don’t pollinate, offer no benefit to the world and can sting repeatedly? Yeah, that’s what Stinger is. But he’s blue so he’s technically not a yellow jacket. Stinger is a… wait for it… Blue Jacket. Just like the team which has blue colored hornets all over their uniforms… … … … They don’t. I made that up. I wish I didn’t. The name Blue Jackets refers to the uniforms worm by the Continental Army during the Revolutionary War. Not a bug. So how… how did they come to that decision? Seriously, how? I almost demand to know. How cool would a mascot-representation of a revolutionary war soldier be? Infinitely cool! Give him a prop rifle that he can fire off when the team scores! But a blue hornet as your mascot?! Do you know what the name of the team is?! It’s the Blue Jackets! Not the Blue Jackets! What did you do, call Buffalo and ask for mascot suggestions?!
Iceburgh representing the Pittsburgh Penguins
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 0
Mugshot: http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/096XgAJddqbQk/340x.jpg
This was a tough one for me. I like his name, it was already appropriate before incorporating the name of the city into it. He’s a penguin… just like the team. Can’t really knock anything there. He’s 100% accurate hence the zero WTF score. But terribly uncool hence zero coolness points. I’ll just say it: This is the mascot that the other mascots pick on. He should have a “kick me” sign on his back at all times. Look at his face! It’s like he’s constantly saying “Duhhh… hyurka hyurka hyurk… I’m a skatin’ I sure am…” At any given moment, Iceburgh looks like he has no idea where he is. Maybe he thinks he’s at a carnival, I don’t know. His eyes almost look like they’re going in two different directions. What can I say, he’s a big, cute, fuzzy penguin and there are far worse on this list than he.
FACT: The original Penguins mascot was a real Penguin. It’s habitat was kept too warm and it died, thus ending the use of real animals as NHL mascots.
Nordy representing The Minnesota Wild
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 1
Mugshot: ???????
At this point I have yet to see a picture of the actual Nordy. He’s brand new for the 2008/2009 season. The cartoon picture I did see would strike fear into the heart of… no one. It’s really the most timid looking rendition of a mascot I’ve ever seen. It’s downright happy to be there with a smile that rivals that of dumb Carlton the Bear. What were they thinking? You’ve got your mascot right there in the team name! The Wild! Why is it a teddy bear with a mullet in a hockey uniform? Nordy represents the team’s logo perfectly so I can’t complain too much on accuracy. But there are some cases where it’s ok to take a name and run with it, and some cases where it is not (Columbus). This would have been a great opportunity to have a truly Wild mascot. Nordy should have an evil grin and a leather jacket with spikes and a Mohawk. He’s WILD!!!!! I know, the name Wild refers to the wilderness, but as I said, this is a case where it’s ok to take a name and interpret it a little differently to make a cooler mascot. Nordy passes, but he could have been so much cooler.
Fin The Whale representing The Vancouver Canucks
Coolness: 1
WTF Factor: 2
Mugshot: http://audrasphotography.files.wordpress.com/2006/08/00860024_resize.jpeg
This is one that I fail to understand on so many levels. I don’t know where to start… How about with the fact that he’s a whale? I understand a killer whale is part of the Canuck’s logo but… why? There already was a team called the Whalers. They moved. It was sad. Let me define the word “Canuck” for you. Canuck is a word used by Canadian residents to define their nationality. A Canuck is a Canadian. Canadians… killer whales… Look, I have a very vivid imagination. Look at my fantasy picks 2 weeks ago if you need proof. I chose a line consisting of 3 inanimate objects and hotdog vendor backed by a garbage can in net. My imagination works just fine. But even my imagination cannot make a connection between the people of Canada and orcas. I know, I know… killer whales swim up north and can be found in the waters off the west coast of Canada, yes, I get it. But what’s the first animal that comes to mind when you think of Canada? Probably the moose, but that doesn’t matter cause it’s not a whale! It’s not a whale.
Fin also loses points due to the extreme case of retardation he seems to have. Mascots aren’t supposed to have cerebral palsy. A toothy grin and mouthful of tongue isn’t enough to make this puddinhead the worst mascot though.
FACT: Another fish with legs… pretty sure it’s just a guy in a suit again. I’ll get back to you.
FACT: Whales are mammals. It just sounded funny. Let it go.
Al The Octopus representing the Detroit Redwings
Coolness: 3
WTF Factor: 5
Mughsot: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/84/Al_the_Octopus.jpg/800px-Al_the_Octopus.jpg
Al? Now I have to write about a mascot named Al? The very fabric of my sanity is beginning to come apart. I want you to realize this and hopefully appreciate it. We all know about Dertoit and their strange octopus fetish. Especially during the playoffs. That being said, this mascot can only be seen during the playoffs. I debated whether to put him on this list for that reason along with the fact that he is not a costume. Al is just a big, pissed off octopus that gets lowered from the rafters. I’ll admit, he ain’t bad looking. In fact he looks mighty pissed off. His coolness rating is quite solid with a 3. The WTF factor is an easy 5. It should be like, a 20. I know the octopus is part of Red Wings tradition but it still doesn’t make an octopus have any relevance to the team name or logo. EVEN if they dress him in an 8 sleeved jersey… which they did.
Could you imagine if a team like the Islanders had a mascot that was only seen during the playoffs? No one would even know they have a mascot. Only a team like Detroit could get away with a playoffs-only mascot.
Sparky The Dragon representing the New York Islanders
Coolness: 3
WTF Factor: 5
Mugshot: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2330/2273059789_3512a12035.jpg?v=0
What Sparky gains in cool looks, he loses two-fold in having nothing to do with the name of his team. Now I know with a name like the Islanders, there really isn’t much you can do in the way of a mascot. But that doesn’t mean pick whatever the hell you want and slap a jersey on it. It means don’t have a mascot! At least make the thing hockey related! A dragon? Wtf… Dragons are fierce, violent, intimidating, fire breathing, ruthless, creatures that do not exist. The Islanders do not share one single characteristic with dragons. If they had chosen a dung beetle as their mascot, I could at least say the two share the characteristic of existence. But we don’t even get that. Why not a big fuzzy ship captain? Make him look all salty and angry. If done right, it would look cool. But no, we get Sparky. Curious as to why the hell the Islanders would choose a dragon as their mascot, I decided to look into it and find an answer. The Islanders owner also owns an arena football team called the Dragons. He liked Sparky so much that he made him the mascot for both of his teams. Same dragon, different teams. What I gather from that is the following:
FACT: The Islanders owner likes his arena football team more than his NHL team. So do I.
Carlton The Bear representing the Toronto Maple Leafs
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 4
Mugshot: http://www.tmlfever.com/files/carlton_standing_2.gif
*Sigh* Don’t Toronto fans have enough to be upset about with this team? And they have to deal with this? Granted, I did draft Carlton for my fantasy team, but that doesn’t make him a good mascot. This is another one that begs the question… WHY? I know that a big maple leaf skating around would look silly, but really, would it be much sillier than Carlton? No. No it most certainly would not. I just don’t understand the trend of making your team mascot whatever the hell you want. Why an overweight polar bear? Why? Why not an in-shape polar bear? Why any polar bear?! Why not a beaver, moose, yak, Patrick Duffy or unicorn? How awesome would a tarantula be? So awesome! Give him 8 hockey sticks! No, we get a dumb bear with a passion for donuts. Ever see a real polar bear? They are ferocious creatures, the way they annihilate seals and penguins and stuff. Look at the group photo. Look at Carlton. Now look at Blades. See my point? I’m not scared of Carlton. I want to sit on his lap and tell him what I want for Christmas and then piss my pants on his leg. On how many levels must Toronto fail simultaneously? And there’s talk of an expansion team! A 2nd Toronto franchise. What would their mascot be? A (expletive deleted)ing giraffe? Why did I decide to write this list? It’s seriously damaging my sanity.
FACT: If I make it to the end of this, I am hoping for at the very least, some quiet applause. Fireworks would be lovely, but quiet applause is enough.
Thunderbug representing the Tampa Bay Lightening
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 4
Mugshot: http://nhl.speedera.net/intheslot/read/mascots/images/thunderbug226x338.jpg
Tampa fans: Your team is mocking you. They are. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this. But my team doesn’t have a mascot, nor will they ever. Please, if the Rangers tried to have a mascot, New York fans would rip its head off and beat the crap out of the guy in the suit. That’s right, kids. Cry for me. Mascots are all just guys in suits! (Except for Al.)
Thunderbug is a… is a… is a bee I think. Yeah. He’s a bee. That’s right; Thunderbug is a bee representing his favorite team, the Tampa Bay Lightening. It’s like… what joke can I come up with here that would be funnier than the truth? Just look at the thing. It’s not even cool! If the team were called the Bees, this mascot would still suck! Real bees don’t want to be represented by this thing. Bees are a terrible animal to name a sports team after. You’re talking about an animal that’s good for one year and then it dies, what the hell kind of… Ohhhh so THAT’S why a bee is their mascot. Never mind, and 5 points for accuracy.
Spartacat representing the Ottawa Senators
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 4
Mugshot: http://nhl.speedera.net/intheslot/read/mascots/images/spartacat226x378.jpg
Spinning the wheel of random animal mascots and landing on “handicapable lion” is Spartacat; Mascot of the Ottawa Senators. What ancient Sparta and Ottawa have to do with each other, I will never know and don’t care to research. What a lion has to do with either, I will also never know. Did the Spartans feed people to lions? Maybe. Even if they did, what does this have to do with anything Canadian? Why do mascots have to be animals? A physical representation of the Senators logo would have been fine! It would have been more than fine; it would have been downright awesome! Give him a big, fuzzy sword to harass opposing players and fans with. It would be great! And it could be made to look cool. But no, we get a lion thing that looks like it should be collecting shopping carts in the parking lot at the supermarket. Further affecting his coolness score is the look on his face. He looks ferocious but happy? Like he doesn’t know whether to gleefully shake your hand or bite it off.
Stormy the Pig Representing the Carolina Hurricanes
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 5
Mugshot: http://digitalheadbutt.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/carolinahurricanes_stormy.jpg
So… the name of your team is the Hurricanes. Cool! Yes! Hurricanes are violent! YEAH! They destroy things! AWESOME! They’re rather horrifying! SURE ARE! Almost nothing can stand up to the might of a hurricane! NO CHANCE! Hurricanes are best represented by a pig! YEA… wait, what? Alright… this is really just a formality… but lets look at the score here. The coolness factor is a zero. Just look at Stormy. Tell me it’s not a zero. He doesn’t even look cool. If you’re going to make a pig your mascot, make it look fierce. A wild boar with huge teeth. But apparently making your mascot cool is a thing of the… never was. As for the WTF Factor, we have an easy 5. Look at the name of the team. Now look at Stormy. WTF. 5.
FACT: Stormy is a pig because of the abundance of pig farms in the Carolinas.
FACT: Stormy wears a number 97 jersey representing 1997; the year America’s beloved Hartford Whalers moved to North Carolina and shattered the dreams of every child, puppy, and unicorn in the entire world.
That’s great. Wear 97 to remind us all of the team we lost. Sure, they were terrible. But no team has ever deserved the label “Loveable losers” more than the Hartford Whalers. I can confidently say that the entire population of the entire world wants the Hartford Whalers back. Instead we all have to endure a pig wearing 97 to remind us of what we lost and of crying children, puppies, and unicorns. Do you hate Stormy yet? Good. Hold onto that hate cause we still have a few more to go and I swear you’re going to need it.
Youppi representing the Montreal Canadiens
Coolness: 0
WTF Factor: 5
Mugshot: http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q124/cdnuniguy/Mascots/youppihabs.jpg
Alright! I’ve (expletive deleted)ing had it! Who designed this (expletive deleted)ing piece of (expletive deleted)?! What the (expletive deleted) is it? Some kind of (expletive deleted)ing fur monster?! It can’t be a (expletive deleted)ing man, look how (expletive deleted)ing furry it is! So then what the (expletive deleted) is it? Youppi is (expletive deleted)ing French for “Yippee,” or “ Hooray.” Anyone cheering for this piece of (expletive deleted) is seriously (expletive deleted)ed in the head. Or Canadian. Looking at this (expletive deleted)ing thing makes me flash white with rage and want to cause harm to the nearest living creature. Seriously, (expletive deleted)ing answer me, what is this piece of (expletive deleted)?! It looks like a man with a beard but it’s completely covered with (expletive deleted)ing orange fur! If you needed a reason to hate Canada, this is a perfectly good one. If I saw this thing, I’d (expletive deleted)ing choke it.
FACT: (expletive deleted)!!!!!!
Harvey the Hound
Coolness: -2467
WTF Factor: 462,827.5
Mugshot: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2060/2087730371_48d513017e.jpg?v=0
Evidence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWr9yECJfww
I have gone to great lengths to come to some kind of understanding regarding Harvey the Hound. I have failed. It’s taken me so long to get to this point; 3 weeks. And now that I’m here, I just want to kill myself. That’s right. I want to kill myself over a retarded dog in red shorts. Harvey’s image inspires pure self-loathing. It does. It makes me hate myself. Harvey the hound is the worst mascot in the history of all mascots. After all I’ve just put myself through, I really don’t need this. Not Harvey. Not now. Not ever.
Harvey fails on levels I not only didn’t know existed, but levels I didn’t know could be failed upon. He’s by far the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. Let’s forget about mascots altogether for one second. Yes, this is the dumbest individual thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
FACT: Harvey the Hound was the very first NHL mascot, introduced in 1983.
Flames… you had a clean slate and this was the best you could come up with? You could have done anything you wanted! “LOL, let’s make him stupid.” Who approved this? Harvey is worse than Youppi. Worse by a mile. I would say that he makes other Mascots look good but I refuse to offer any kind of positive argument regarding Harvey the Hound. And nothing could make Youppi look better, not even Harvey.
To make matters worse, Harvey is also a complete jerk. He behaves far worse than any other mascot in the NHL, including the Jersey Devil. That’s right! Harvey the Hound: Worse than The Devil. I’m going to go on record right now and just come out and say it. I mean why dance around the issue any longer? I hate Harvey the Hound. That’s right. Hate. When I first saw his picture, I’ll admit; I laughed. I laughed a lot. I laughed until my sides hurt. But after a while, it just wasn’t funny anymore. Maybe the joke wore off. Maybe it was the slow and painful departure of my very soul. Either way, what once inspired laughter now inspires rage. And when I see that stupid tongue, it makes me feel sad. Sad as if there’s less happiness in the world with no hope of restoring it.
FACT: Harvey was so successful after his debut that other teams contacted his creator, Glenn Street, to design mascots for them.
FACT: Harvey is consistently voted “Most Popular Mascot” by the fans.
Are we talking about the same mascot here? We can’t be! This mascot sucks so bad it causes mental anguish. How could anyone see this thing and think “I need my own one of those!”? How could anyone look at this thing and think “This is the best mascot I’ve ever seen! I’m voting for Harvey!”? How… why… did the Flames make this their mascot? It has nothing to do with the team! I’m not saying we shouldn’t try this; But setting it on fire and thus incorporating flames into the costume would still not make him relevant to the name of the team. Speaking of not being relevant to the team, here’s one that will piss you right off:
FACT: Harvey is the ONLY mascot in the entire league that does not wear his team’s jersey. This also makes him the only mascot to not even have the team’s name or logo anywhere on himself. Even Al the Octopus has an 8 sleeved Redwings jersey.
It absolutely blows me away that Harvey was the first. The open door, the inspiration for future NHL mascots. How can this be? And you’d think that there would be a significant improvement among NHL mascots with Harvey as their starting point, but no. Look at Youppi. Look at Fin. It’s obvious that someone in Vancouver saw Harvey and said “Gimme that, but make it a whale.” With Harvey as a starting point, I have a right to expect that 25 years later, at least one team’s mascot would have evolved into a diamond. A real diamond worth millions of dollars. But no, there hasn’t been much evolution here. The stupidity has moved mostly laterally with only minimal forward motion.
I want to take this opportunity to thank Craig MacTavish. While coaching the Edmonton Oilers a few years back, he lost patience with Harvey who was taunting him from behind the visitors bench. MacTavish responded by ripping Harvey’s tongue off.
(Editor's Note: http://www.cbc.ca/gfx/topstory/sports/harvey_mactavish0321.jpg)
I know I should seem more excited to report this, but you must understand the following: After what I’ve just put myself through, I’m not laughing at anything. I would need a case of beer, a bottle of rum, a woman of questionable morals, and a winning lottery ticket just for my temperament to break even. Then I could muster a smile at stupid Harvey’s tongue being ripped off. I hate Harvey the hound. 12 Youppis are not worth 1 Harvey the Hound. If the name of the team was The Calgary Palsy Dogs and Harvey was the mascot, I would still hate him.
3 weeks. That’s how much of my life I’ll not get back as a result of this nonsense. I know things about NHL mascots I didn’t want to know. I know all of their names. 3 weeks ago I was pointing to different mascots in the group photo saying “LOL what the hell is that thing?” I now know that it was Spartacat. I’m sad that I know its name. I wish there was something positive we could all take away from this, but it’s not possible. Just looking at Iceburgh will lower your IQ, so don’t try. It’s not worth trying to scrape up a positive out of this. There’s nothing to be gained from the experience. I just keep slurring to myself “It’s Blue Jackets, not blue jackets!” as I take another swig out of an emptying whiskey bottle.
Good or bad, mascots don’t effect the team, so don’t be afraid if yours has one. Your team will win or lose on their own. Sparky can’t make the Islanders win (nor could a full freight container labeled: TALENT), and Thunderbug won’t lose any games for the Lightning. They don’t need the help this year anyway. Mascots don’t have to be lame, but as long as Harvey, Youppi, Carlton, and Stormy remain in service, the Mascot average is dragged down far enough that it’s ruined for the good mascots.
Final comments on the group photo:
- The NJ Devil’s body language clearly shows that he doesn’t want to sit next to Spartacat.
- Fin sitting next to Iceburgh looks like brothers separated at birth.
- Every mascot wears his team’s home jersey with Fin and Howler being the only exceptions wearing away jerseys. Harvey sucks and doesn’t wear any jersey.
- With the exception of the NJ Devil, the entire top row consists of mascots with mental disabilities.
Take away from this what you will, for better or for worse. I’ll be back next week with something that hopefully isn’t as emotionally damaging. Until then, I will wait and listen for the sound of polite applause. Or fireworks. Whatever you’ve got is fine.
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